Names

...
was talking to myself 2 minutes ago , so passionately...that i thought why not write it down here so i wont forget what was i thinking in this phase of my life-as i always do.....like now,i cant remember how was it like a year ago....
anyway...i was talking about names...they'r giving me hard times lately that i was trying to convince myself that names dont mean a thing...right?....i mean,whats in a name?...its just a couple of letters in a certain configuration....i did read once that emphasizing on peoples' names gets them high....but am i the kind of person who cares to boost people's self esteem...not really..i reached this point,where i cant tell the difference between the people i see daily,but never had any conversation with,and the ones that i chatted with once or twice....since i cant recall the names of both categories....oh well...if you happen to not know me and i suddenly gave you a big smile and started talking...now you know where i come from.
speaking of people....i never realized how hard it is surviving in this world without projects...turns out my projects...are my savior....if it wasn't for them,i'd be stuck in a vicious loop of people and food my whole life.....and THAT.........would be scary.

Bottom line is,the name-directory seems to be missing in my brains....im not sure if it can be retrieved.

oh n'
any idea on 'HOW' one does stop dreaming and building imaginary castles,and actually work?!

Depth

surreal

DAMN IT!

I can walk,
sleep,
rationalize,
eat,
get dressed,
communicate,
judge,
drive,
study,
clean,
cook,
read,
serve,
analyze,
write,
draw,
shower,
shop,
change diapers.......
I can do almost anything damn it!..all on my own..
but my whole world crashes down at the sight of one stupid harmless cockroach..
i'de go on,but my friend just called with more serious problems on her mind...

oh and,
just for the record,last week,i was 'this close' to sabotage my own work and submit an incomplete project,just because some cockroach decided to show up at my room at 3 in the morning....i wake people up damn it!...i wake them up!!

I

.....am gonna blow it.

again.