If

If i ever get married...its gonna be someone with no self-esteem what-so-ever that he's gonna doubt his own existance!

efff!

InTolerence of norms

i've been wondering...

is it normal....
to walk in a place...find this huge guy at the door....who's there to tell u (nicely) how much the cover charge is...and...block ur entrance(accidentally)...til u pay....go a little further to see around 70 pairs of eyes...with bodies hanging there carelessly-stiffed.....all dressed up...for a football game!....shooting at u (and each other) all kinds of looks....making u feel like ur walking on a runway.....til u reach -wht u thought would be- ur safe destination,to be greeted by a bunch of familiar faces.....who look soo unfamiliar to u at that moment....with much less clothes at the set.....jammed on top of each other....none of them interested to even look at the other....look for the most timid among them....n sit there for a couple of minutes....still feeling invaded by looks from all over....n sounds of people screaming for attention.....then burst out...blabbering excuses...to the hostess and the guests....then actually have the bartender calling....'DOZZZ'...on ur way out!...for he happens to be a very good friend of urs!!!

and not be able to see the fun of it?!

Is it okay for a pleasant person to go out shopping...n come back with the biggest frown ever?!!!!

im developing a theory....
starts out....i cant relate to this society....

'sigh'.....Its a beautiful world

screw work...

who-EVER said i wanted to work?!...fine..i did..

aaaaaand...'I'.....aint no quitte'!

s(p,l)eeee(ch,p)less

What are "WE" doing?

I just came across this blog that had some enteries about compact houses....

• Micro-minni house
• The weehouse
• Roof-top houses

People have problems...
what they do is 'CREATE' solutions!
...out of nothing!...a simple..effecient house...with a very smart use of space...my favorite was the weehouse,i like the name,i'de like to go WEEEEE around the world carrying this thing with me...B-)

i know someone who knows someone who says :
yil3an abohom ma atyasna...
makes sense to me.


i guess we're watching the world cup...
ranting about zarqawi n bin ladin..
picking on our families/loved ones...
oh!....i almost forgot.....hanging out 'aimlessly' at coffee-shops!

Angry post

Thats it.
blogs...
bloggers...
U make me sick...
not all of u of course....i'de bow in respect for some...bs the rest....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE???!!?!!!!
ffft....i dont feel like writing anymore...or maybe i just cant put this feeling of nausea into words.....
w ba3dein ya3ni...
People have been ranting about this zarqawi thing and those deputies like its the end of the world....mish fahmeh ya3ni,do they simply need something to take out their anger on??!!
some are attacking zarqawi as if they caught him red-handed on 9-11....
others are defending deputies just because they'r being attacked....some do have a habit of defending anyone accused of anything...

no one knows anything for sure....where did this term terrorism come from aslan?!!
are people so stupid to just buy anything the media says n start blabbering about it soo passionatly??!!....its a waste of time..energy...and brains...
frankly....i dont care...n im not willing to even engage myself in any conversation about this....
absence of facts...

some dont even have a point,they just link u to the source...
some are writing posts about their toothpaste...
some about their drinking habits...
or partying like americans....yuppyy!
trying to scream it to the world that they'r open,sympethatic people..
losing their identity along the way,didnt know where to stop....
if u dont agree,then u better not comment....which makes sence...considering our society is full of hypocricy...
some are busy cursing this n that...
announcing proudly to the world that they't athiests...
and sub7an Allah..all of them are rockers...introducing jordan....land of rock music....
few are producing the most offensive (to my ears),disgusting,not-even-close to funny "cast" i ever heard...i wonder how would anyone feel proud of that n actually upload it for the whole world to listen to...
n even here...people of the same origins are sticking together...
calling for freedom...when they are the ones restraining it....


im not saying im better,or any different...i dont know about that...
n i wouldn't call me religious...i got big uncovered curly hair...i dont pray..n in not constantly thinking of God..(which are the things i should be doing)..but i know this...
I only trust religion....i cant fool myself...and i KNOW im on the right track...

i try n try.. to build a decent amount of respect for those people,for they'r human after all,but they just blow it all with a couple of words...
maybe im just not into cyber relationships...
i might just stop trying...
i get a headahce while reading,n i start playing with my hair...thats not gud!

i should probably find me another world to live in...
where i wont be speechless.


i want naan.

sister sister

and...................................its gonna be a long night

It just amazes me how many people (are there,there are)in this world

BLIND-ism

IM DONE !

now,i'de like a thought recorder,n a digital camera installed in my eyes!

any chance...?!

if only...

shoot me again.
i've had it...i want nothing...i dont want nothing....i just want OUT of this life.....
im sick of everthing,tired...i just dont think its worth it.....
damn it!
i dont want to wine n complain on this blog,that was never the point...at least if im expressing it in some other way...not words...i'll feel better....welll...not really....i couldnt care less....'sigh'....yeah....
i
d o n t
c a r e!
i have no idea what happenening to me...but it seems my answer to almost everything has become...'screw this'....'screw them'........im going down.
lots of things has happened..n there's a lot yet to come...i cant believe those that are done...n i dont want to go through whats ahead....or i want it to .....ffft....i have nooo idea what i want.

"'BIG SIGH"'

Thats how i've been feeling for the past two months now..its like a curse...im hoping it'll go away by the end of this term....i mean it has to!
So i came back from Canada....which probably the stupidest thing to do...n i actually keep on repeating the same mistake over n over again....but lets face it...options are not that tempting....ya3ni im here...n i have the worst cultural shock ever...maybe because the whole thing happened in 5 days...Amman-Montreal-Toronto-Montreal-Amman.....it looks insane on my screen........
its not my first time out of here...i've been travelling around since i was born....everwhere...middle east,europe,norht america....but its never the same!!...each time i come back with a totally different impression....about the destination....and life!
i really cant see me living here as reality anymore....never lived abroad...i dont know whether im just going too far with my daydreaming willa im really fed up.....or maybe things has been going really bad lately that i dont want to accept that reality....im waay too lost....
so now im wondering....is it really a wake up call?!....am i supposed to drop everything(not that i have much to hang on to) and do what i've been threatning (myself) to do since ages....how crazy should i go..can i go?....will i go?!
i can be an extremest.....so im worried....i dont want to do something i'll regret....
I almost failed architectural design....fine...i missed one sketch design when i was away....but that wont make it any better....i suck in any sketch design...i just failed one today....thats...a real problem....i sit there...n i think....i go way too far with my imagination....that i find it hard to settle on one thing...then i take soo much time trying to implement it!...i just stare at my collegues wondering how they can draw lines soo easily...with confidence....no second thoughts....i cant doo that...maybe im weird...im complicated....i dont know in what catergory do i fall(if i fall in any that is)....but i just cant draw a line unless i have very good reason for it....n i cant just settle for just another design...isnt that the whole point of design?!!...putting together something new?!......its like just another name...one of the crowd.....i mean why??!!?...why make an effort to do something that's already done....

im just in denial.....u have no idea how i'de love to blame it on them....anyone....the system...the professors....family.....anything!...coz i believed in myself....so i go 'maybe thats the problem'...i give myself too much credit...but i dont!...i wore myself out trying to come up with this last design in which i failed...i thought like no one did....that i know........then i go...could the system really be that bad....i saw some other designs today...n there was noo design!...they got double of what i got.....the last thing i'd ever worry about are my grades...but....what is it really about damn it?!!!!!!!....my first sister gave me that 'ur to blame look' when i told her.....the other told me thats a result of over-confidence...im not sure she was thinking when she said that though.....n thats whats really bothering me.....am i the only one who believes in me....am i soo self-centered that i can never think i'll be that bad....well i know i can screw up...bs not that much!...if im not good enough...i need to know.....
the worst part about this whole thing is that... once i just accept it....n explain myself to myself...i need to find a way to get the whole family to accept it as welll.....sad....

nothing pleasant to look forward to....i dont even feel like shopping...though i need some basic clothes soo desperatly....
tasjili mish zabet....nothing...zzzip!...its not like im that eager to take summer course,but it'll be a great help...to spare me headache(s) next term....

sister getting married...im soo not in the mood to scare the tailor so he'd produce what i want....i just dont seem to care anough....though we're fighting like never before.....i dont want her to leave....i dont want her to leave....I DONT WANT HER TO LEAVE!!!.....
bs i dont have a say in that....like alomost everything else....this family has to start taking me seriously.....i need to take control of my life...its mine after all...i need to start living the life i wanna live......work on my goal....i go insane to think that i might pass through life just like anyone else......making no difference......not leaving a single print.....i cant!....i cant die before i achieve something....not for people....me want no recognition what-so-ever.....but merely for that satisfaction im missing soo bad lately.......that feeling that tells u u have a point.....
question is....how do i do that with minimal loss.....

In 2 hours,i'll be on a plane heading back to Jordan....:1...n i still cant beleive i got here in the first place !..this moment has to be documented...

'sigh'....i'll be back...

D welling in a D ream

same old question...what on earth am i doing in Jordan??!?!!

O Canada....