Cause and effect : The homework

I have this homework.
so...im doing.......anything but the homework.
then i'll stay up late finishing it...:\
thats just the way things go around here...'sigh'

oh.

one more thing...dont u just love tracing paper...aand big erasers?!


so...for starters...im really wondering why none of those who read my last post had anything to say????....YES....YOU!
i mean really...why is it when i start talking about this particular topic..people turn speechless?
im the speechless here,remember?
i cant promise that ur opinion will be valued or appreciated...at least let me know where ur coming from....where this whole town is coming from?

el-muhem,
I thought i did reach a conclusion concerning my beliefs...the "tawjihi" year was more than enough for me to lets say...meditate?....i actually spent the last couple of months of tawjihi(when ur supposed to wrap up what u did all year) thinking and dreaming...i cant even remember what was it all about...but i did manage to waste all that time....that i used to go to my tests shaking(n im sooo not the kind of person who's ever afraid of tests,its either u know it or u dont!)...coz i knew i was relying on my previous studies...looong ago...
this is what i came up with :

I only acknowledge religion as a source of right and wrong..of course..at this age...i cant get myself to suddenly implement everything my religion says,so i'll do what i can,and work on the rest....meanwhile...everything else that doesnt have clear standards by religion,I and only I will decide what is appropriate....society doesnt fall anywhere near this equation..having excluded 'the parental effect'...which is....pretty strong in my case.

but recently,i've been reading a lot of stuff written by athiests...who sound too desprate,speaking of God in the most inappropriate way. Jews,so drenched in their beliefs,and their promised land yada yada.Some are attacking religion soo very aggressivly,which makes you wonder...why are those people soo anti-religion?

got me thinking.what if im not on the right track,for every single one of those is completely convinced they are...what if im blindly following something i enherited...what if im just complicating my life and making it harder with some myth??...how would life be if i were an athiest...anti-religion...or a jew?


even Harder


lets start with the athiest,i dont think i can go on living in this world not believing there's some superior power that knows the answer for everything,takes care of everything...some power i can turn to when things go wrong..when i feel helpless and small...(which every human is)....part of me believes in the humanists' argument....the superiority of human race...but this superiority has a limit...which is something u learn by experience....maashi,u can be totally dependant,fullfill all ur needs..say..90%-95% of the time......but eventually...there will come a moment...when u stand soo helpless to whats going on inside u and around u.

then what?

nature?...nature miiin??....magic and all that stuff...thats just scary and incontrollable...
another human being?...hell no!....u can do whatever any human can do...there's no reason why u should turn to something either equal or less than u...right?
the UN...?!??!!!!


thats one thing.
and of course....there's my dear corrupted self...wouldnt acknowledge ANYTHING...and i mean anything if not religion,and of a superior power......so being an athiest basically demolishes every single rule i go by in my whole life....
i would literally let myself loose if it wasnt for religion.
i mean really loose..imagine...a human soul let loooooose.....
nothing...and not even me would have the right to tell me what to do....for nothing is any better than i am.
and thats freedom right?


llla2!



Freedom "again!" has limits....i cannot see the beauty or effeciency of unlimited freedom...imagine my room...when i stop putting anything where it belongs....it becomes really hard to find one decent piece to wear in the morning...or find my tape and triangle to do that miserable homework!
imagine lasagna!...if not put in a suitable pyrex...u cant even cook it...let alone eat it...
i must have some more meaningful examples to prove my point...i just need to dig into my head...n i dont feel like it..B/

so..i conclude im on the right track...that was hours ago...now im just tired of typing!!
if religion did not rule my life...nothing will...anything and everything will be possible...and thats way more than any human can take...its a wide wide world(probably thats why people lose it and commit suicide)..and for my life not to be ruled by anything....it will 'eventually' become unbearable.unlivable.


im sticking to religion...for so far..my religion did prove its a way of life...it proved it works....its superior and it makes perfect sense.

and now,i have officially exposed my naivety.
weelll...whatever...thats just who i am.
i am 'also' going to do the homework.
efff!
here i come.