I hate you..but i love you
Its a relief that im not saying these words coz im stuck in an impossible relationship where i cant think straight...i'de like to believe im more sensible than that....actually...im beginning to think it would be impossible to get into any relationship that satisfies me....and no...im not arogant...a friend n i realized recently that in order to get married(which is the only form of official relationships i acknowledge)...u need to really love that person....no...i'll rephrase it...u need to cherich that person more than urself to be able to take all the shit that comes with the whole thing...later on.....but!...i also believe if i ever get there...i'll be an exception...
.....got carried away...ehem...
im talking about my dear Amman.
not so dear....ya3ni to be honest....everyone knows i wont stay here one more second if it was up to me....i'll just fly off to my imaginary trip...i might as well stop calling it imaginary...if im going to do it some day...and I WILL!!
it just makes me really sad to see how unbearable life has become in amman...my home...whether i like it or not...its home...its the only place where i'll be familiar with everything and everyone...the only place i feel im on solid ground...now a small errand through the streets...gets me back with a big frown...im not a frowny person....im always smiling and singing while i drive....bs my face muscles actually hurt!...well..its not just that...i've been struggeling with "statics" since yesterday...yes!...statics is a struggle when the last time u had to deal with numbers and physics was....tawjihi maybe?!even during the time i spend as an industrial eng. student...i was just not interested.....drifting from the main topic..again!
its just getting boring..even for me..to keep talking about the same thing over n over again
...but what can i do really...i need some re-assurement...a solution maybe....no...what i actually need is someone to relate...other than my sisters...and one friend....they got their share...7aram...
today was a nother birthday...of a dear friend this time...i really like the girl...so i God knows how i wanted to go n share....bs i couldnt decide which would be more rude...not to go...or just drop by for a couple of minutes.....coz me going to "inhouse" and staying there was not an option!...my body gets enough goosebumps from this fast in n out process...so how about a loong stay....is this smart interior design im looking at here?.....a dimmed place....rather dark...with undefined couches......does anyone have this set at their living room?....anyone feel comfortable in a place like that....add to that....immature boys and girls sitting inappropriately....smoking....and yes...staring at eachother....no one can beat us at that!
'sigh'
i've been told im complicated.....that i can either create a world out of a drop....or simplify things to an extent where they become absurdly abstract....bs i dont believe thats the problem here....why is it that everyone i know....varying characters...backgrounds...concepts...everyone! has the same perception for fun?!....ha?....and its one i can NEVER relate to.....and why do people stare at me like im an alien when i walk....anywhere!?.....why are people skipping their childhood like its some unneccessaryt phase?....why does everyone have a piece of thick tracing paper right in front of their face?!....why cant people tell the difference between 'stylish' and 'trashy'...?!.....why is everyone ok with this society except for meee?!!!...
yeah!..its bothering me.....u know whn too many people tell u u got blonde hair...u might start to believe so....especially when believing u got brown hair is just giving u hard times!....aaah....
why is it when u start writing u no longer remember what u wanted to say...B|....
points would help me arrange my thoughts....
hmmm...
note that i have a homework for tomorrow...and a quiz i gotta get a full mark at he day after...bs im gonna go walk....in circles...think....see where that will get me....
.....got carried away...ehem...
im talking about my dear Amman.
not so dear....ya3ni to be honest....everyone knows i wont stay here one more second if it was up to me....i'll just fly off to my imaginary trip...i might as well stop calling it imaginary...if im going to do it some day...and I WILL!!
it just makes me really sad to see how unbearable life has become in amman...my home...whether i like it or not...its home...its the only place where i'll be familiar with everything and everyone...the only place i feel im on solid ground...now a small errand through the streets...gets me back with a big frown...im not a frowny person....im always smiling and singing while i drive....bs my face muscles actually hurt!...well..its not just that...i've been struggeling with "statics" since yesterday...yes!...statics is a struggle when the last time u had to deal with numbers and physics was....tawjihi maybe?!even during the time i spend as an industrial eng. student...i was just not interested.....drifting from the main topic..again!
its just getting boring..even for me..to keep talking about the same thing over n over again
...but what can i do really...i need some re-assurement...a solution maybe....no...what i actually need is someone to relate...other than my sisters...and one friend....they got their share...7aram...
today was a nother birthday...of a dear friend this time...i really like the girl...so i God knows how i wanted to go n share....bs i couldnt decide which would be more rude...not to go...or just drop by for a couple of minutes.....coz me going to "inhouse" and staying there was not an option!...my body gets enough goosebumps from this fast in n out process...so how about a loong stay....is this smart interior design im looking at here?.....a dimmed place....rather dark...with undefined couches......does anyone have this set at their living room?....anyone feel comfortable in a place like that....add to that....immature boys and girls sitting inappropriately....smoking....and yes...staring at eachother....no one can beat us at that!
'sigh'
i've been told im complicated.....that i can either create a world out of a drop....or simplify things to an extent where they become absurdly abstract....bs i dont believe thats the problem here....why is it that everyone i know....varying characters...backgrounds...concepts...everyone! has the same perception for fun?!....ha?....and its one i can NEVER relate to.....and why do people stare at me like im an alien when i walk....anywhere!?.....why are people skipping their childhood like its some unneccessaryt phase?....why does everyone have a piece of thick tracing paper right in front of their face?!....why cant people tell the difference between 'stylish' and 'trashy'...?!.....why is everyone ok with this society except for meee?!!!...
yeah!..its bothering me.....u know whn too many people tell u u got blonde hair...u might start to believe so....especially when believing u got brown hair is just giving u hard times!....aaah....
why is it when u start writing u no longer remember what u wanted to say...B|....
points would help me arrange my thoughts....
hmmm...
- My friends sound,look,act different outside uni....i dont like that....how come?
- I cant stand driving through ammans streets that are insanly full of people AND cars....its worthless,un-classy,(what can i possibly say...?!)...men in cars they cant spell their names all over....irrational...im afraid whats happening around is screwing up our society....or as mu cous says...isreal is determined to unite all arabs in Jordan..;p
- I have this amazing resistance to study...draw....im starting to believe its beyond me!
- Im worried abt my niece n nephew growing up in this world...i really am...its too materialistic....
- i wanna cry whn i remember all those sounds i heard yesterday were for people soo happy and mad they finished.....school..?!...just take a look at our educational system...
- i wanna cry even harder watching both of my cousins soo not interested in chosing their majors..... : whatever!
- i cant describe the feeling i get watching him do that to himself.
- i cant understand "el nas el nikdeen"....never...
note that i have a homework for tomorrow...and a quiz i gotta get a full mark at he day after...bs im gonna go walk....in circles...think....see where that will get me....
posted by Dozz at 10:32 PM
5 Comments:
you mystified me !! :)
I need some coffee !
:)..really?
i thought i was too blunt..
Yes you did :S
or maybe i didn't get it well..they're random thoughts, and you expressed what's in your mind, I think you had that confusions of mess in your mind.
It happens to me alot, I don't blog it, I write on personal diary, using pens and pencils :P
hehe,this is soo not the random me,i guess the random me would scare u..;/
i actually live among pens and pencils,so...
lol
That's scary !
but yeah sure, women are supposed to be way more complicated than men ! It seems to be true ! I wonder when the day that I understand the woman mentality come :)
*sigh*
Post a Comment
<< Home