December 18
all asleep..though all is not much these days...
its not that quiet....there's silence...and peace...
it was a strange day....i still feel awkward....so i thought...the only way to put an end to all this uneasiness im feeling is to write...i might not make sense...or entertain anyone....im just not ready to do my homework yet...(like i'll ever be)...
this semester feels like its been going on for years...feels like i've comsumed it all....the same lectures.....and settings....the same breaks....the same hang out-s....the same talk....and the same food....the same clothes....the same exaustion...dizziness....amnesia....the same reflection...looking back at me over and over again....the same nodes....a constant distributed load.....
changing seasons....
but is that enough reason to drag urself out of bed in the morning?
or
...should u..as a result...be willing to start dancing at uni....(had my parents in mind so i couldnt do it)....
woke up 2day...on a phone call...stomach was not welll....had an urge to have my coffee [black]....
...have no idea what made me wear some make-up....and for the first time in my entire life...black pants...with a black jacket....where did these come from aslan??!
went out....got in the car...to find 2 songs i like on the radio....which...was soothing...especially that i had no interest what-so-ever to go to uni or do the work im supposed to do...i just showed up.....to find 4 freaks trying to do their job.....holding meetings down here and up there....to come up with the conclusion that they should give us our sketch designs and 20 minutes to sum up what we're gonna do...8)......they just ammuse me sometimes
they decided to 'reveal' our marks for the latest analysis....and that was an insult...the sketch design...was pretty humiliating for us....the lack of common-sense....is just....im 'speechless'...friends got...1.Mad....2.pissed off......me?.....i guess i evaluate myself....and thats more than enough for me.....
over-confident...maybe....but i cant afford otherwise...
had some strange peace all the while.
sat outside...talking...listening to music..like there was nothing going on down there.....trying to figure out a way to get ourselves back on track for those upcoming nodes......problem is...no threat moves me anynmore....
decided to go out....got in the car...and drove...with no destination in mind....somehow...we ended up ta the bake house....eating....and sipping tea sooo slowly.....i was tempted to just sit there for a week or so....staring at the ceiling....i felt contained.
we had an extra hour to the next lec.....spent it on some stairs....talking...feeling cold....building a fire.....taking hilarious pictures.....til sunset...time had stopped sometime that morning...
i just realized i am me.....im stuck in me forever...not that i hate it...but it feels weird to know u cant be...zudu..for example!
im feeling way too numb for a girl my age.
i have goals.but
i just want to lie down n stare at the ceiling for weeks...
all asleep..though all is not much these days...
its not that quiet....there's silence...and peace...
it was a strange day....i still feel awkward....so i thought...the only way to put an end to all this uneasiness im feeling is to write...i might not make sense...or entertain anyone....im just not ready to do my homework yet...(like i'll ever be)...
this semester feels like its been going on for years...feels like i've comsumed it all....the same lectures.....and settings....the same breaks....the same hang out-s....the same talk....and the same food....the same clothes....the same exaustion...dizziness....amnesia....the same reflection...looking back at me over and over again....the same nodes....a constant distributed load.....
changing seasons....
but is that enough reason to drag urself out of bed in the morning?
or
...should u..as a result...be willing to start dancing at uni....(had my parents in mind so i couldnt do it)....
woke up 2day...on a phone call...stomach was not welll....had an urge to have my coffee [black]....
...have no idea what made me wear some make-up....and for the first time in my entire life...black pants...with a black jacket....where did these come from aslan??!
went out....got in the car...to find 2 songs i like on the radio....which...was soothing...especially that i had no interest what-so-ever to go to uni or do the work im supposed to do...i just showed up.....to find 4 freaks trying to do their job.....holding meetings down here and up there....to come up with the conclusion that they should give us our sketch designs and 20 minutes to sum up what we're gonna do...8)......they just ammuse me sometimes
they decided to 'reveal' our marks for the latest analysis....and that was an insult...the sketch design...was pretty humiliating for us....the lack of common-sense....is just....im 'speechless'...friends got...1.Mad....2.pissed off......me?.....i guess i evaluate myself....and thats more than enough for me.....
over-confident...maybe....but i cant afford otherwise...
had some strange peace all the while.
sat outside...talking...listening to music..like there was nothing going on down there.....trying to figure out a way to get ourselves back on track for those upcoming nodes......problem is...no threat moves me anynmore....
decided to go out....got in the car...and drove...with no destination in mind....somehow...we ended up ta the bake house....eating....and sipping tea sooo slowly.....i was tempted to just sit there for a week or so....staring at the ceiling....i felt contained.
we had an extra hour to the next lec.....spent it on some stairs....talking...feeling cold....building a fire.....taking hilarious pictures.....til sunset...time had stopped sometime that morning...
i just realized i am me.....im stuck in me forever...not that i hate it...but it feels weird to know u cant be...zudu..for example!
im feeling way too numb for a girl my age.
i have goals.but
i just want to lie down n stare at the ceiling for weeks...
what am i doing?
better go drink some milk
better go drink some milk
posted by Dozz at 12:22 AM
16 Comments:
Heey...
U just need to change ur enviroment for a while, take up a hobby or even a pet :P
as i understood u r a university girl, but that doesn't mean it's all u can do.
Hope it all gets better after all.
Cheerz B)
Now I'm speechless !
Hi.. I used to go to library when I felt like "Bored".
Take care.
PS Hi Asfour :)
Hi again .. It feels nice to see you here Mohammad :)
Well, do something extremely out of the ordinary, something crazy, wild yet nice and fun. Go do it RIGHT NOW. That is my advice to you :) Hope you try it out soon. Tell me if you do...
leeqo,
u sound so much like a friend of mine..
u mean i should change 'worlds'...problem is,im stuck here for a while,i guess thats the depressing part,it feels like the end,but the climax is yet to come.
merci..
asfour,
join the club...
fadi,
beleive me,im beyond 'bored'...
feels nice to be the hostess.
enjoy..
al-ramahi,
hmmm...
crazy?...define crazy,because im afraid it all falls under my everyday life..seriously..and deliberately...;)
Crazy: affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad", foolish; totally unsound; "a crazy scheme"; "half-baked ideas"; "a screwball proposal without a prayer of working", marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness; "she was crazy about him"; "gaga over the rock group's new album"; "he was infatuated with her"...If this is you're everyday life then you should do something sane :D
well well..
not that im trying to lock u in a loop or anything..bs..we'll need a definition for sanity,sound or baked as well..8]
seruiously now,my friend n I have been discussing this for a while,what would u suggest?
people?
Hi Again,
I don't understand why u all call tat craziness while (I Think) it's all in ur head Doz, from what i read...
crazy is whn u do sth even urself wouldn't believe have done it, not mentioning the others...
here u feel u wanna do sth but u didn't, so u r still in the (Sane Zone)..
altho i guess it's a shame to waist all ur energy especially whn u think u have it just coz u have to take ppl into consideration...
it's ur life, and u only live once... u can either make sth of it, or just go with the flow.
hope i wasn't too blunt.
Enjoy ur Day :)
leeqo my friend,
'if ur not the same person that is'!
im an extremist who dreams BIG,now i admit the amount of crazziness in my head is much more than whats practiced in my life...not 'for' people (that would be an insult!) ,but for the love of certain people,the ones i could never live with myself knowing i had hurt,or disappointed in any way.
so for the meantime,its compromise..no matter how lame it feels...
suggestions?
Either I am very sleepy or couldn't quite get things together... Who do you mean by: 'if ur not the same person that is'! Second of all... extremist... terrorist... Die Die Die, nah just kidding, hehe, but seriously good night :)
I'd like to be able to help, but I doubt anything I'd suggest will work for u, coz u r the best person who understands what u need, and what doesn't hurt ppl u love, (U R NOT THINKING OF COMMITTING SUICIDE, rn't u?)
Very FEw Ppl who dream at all, so don't give urself hard times for stepping outside ur own box.
altho i hope it's nth dangerous!!
I'd like to be of any help, but I doubt u r looking for suggestions at all, u r the only person here who knows and understands what u want, and what doesn't hurt ppl u love.
Very Few ppl who dream at all, so don't give urself hardtimes for stepping out of ur own box.
( U R NOT THINKING OF COMMITTING SUICIDE, rn't u?)
other than that ur ppl should be proud tht u have sth u wanna achieve.
Good luck with whatever u have in mind..
Cheerz B)
didn't realize the first one was published :p
have a good day.
ramahi,
excused..
leeqo,
lots of things 'should' be happening in this world,lets not get there.
and since i know best,u go ahead and say it..i'll be the judge ;)
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