Friday, March 16, 2007

u know...

so,

i've had it.
im not sad..on the contrary...i can say im happy,but
u know...
when the most delicious meal is just something to chew,
or when the most gorgeous work of art is just lame colors and figures,
or when the most professional of ADs looks like a cheap 2 minute clip
or when your favorite playlist doesnt include anything that you wont 'next'
or when you cant respond to a story,a joke..or even a threat
or when you start seeing everyone in 2D
or when you cannot recall what you were thinking 5 seconds ago

what could that be..?
i'll tell you.

the semester starts with a new hope of a good design professor,with a strong character 'u think!'...or you heard...and some other complimentary courses that didnt sound all that bad.
one week later,you find urself all over the place,trying to make a good case study,fine...you chose that class in particular to force yourself to work systematically...right?
it sounds like the main problem is my design studio here....right now it is....but it isnt,u know...?
aanyway..you realize its the hardest thing in the world to break your patterns and come up with a new vision for an 'OVERCHEWED' project in a couple of weeks,but you try,spending hours and days facing books and screens and nothing at all,and although it another site in jabal Amman...another sloped site that lies next to some old stairs...u eventually do,ignoring the fact that its your favorite spot in the whole area,its the exact stairs my friends and I built the fire on...the stairs at which we sat on a rainy day with the car's shade above our heads...the site is right next to those stairs....laid so perfectly...that i thought of building the whole thing underground so i wont mess it up.
which..gets me to the function we have...a community center....with a lot of multi-purpose and general purpose halls...meaning...you chose a theme.

bottom line people,
its the third project in jabal amman,
the third with a 'you choose' theme
the second with a slope
and the second with adjacent historical stairs

zzzhi2et!
the only thing thats changing is the context,and the people...getting worse...u know..?
the first project was of two parts....documentation of an old house...and then re-use.
the second was sort of an urban design project...for the land right across al-balad theatre,next to the stairs...what they basically wanted was soemthing to revive the old abandoned creepy stairs.
the third,now...is a community center at the land right across the street of wild jordan...

the keywords arent changing,u know...?

so im practically 'garfaaneh'..especially that im about to finish the second skecthbook...im sick of this tracing paper...my pencil and my scale...feels like they'r glued to me hand...im sick of this feeling of nausea that results of not sleeping at all...now i know better,i sleep a minimum of 2 hours...one minute im in love with mty project...i even refer to its elevation as 'its profile' sometiems 'profile is for humans if u dont get it'...other times...i wanna tear it all up and start over....
i mean...come oon...is this anywhere close to normal..?...or lets ignore normal,im not interested in normal..is this leading anywhere.....u know...?

was getting some food from mecca mall today....and now i know it...i am anti-social.
the way people walk...talk...laugh and behave....i see sheep..u know?
so now mecca mall is not to be approached on friday's....ever again!

getting back to the design studio...my two best friends are not with me...and the atmosphere there couldnt be any 'duller'..if there's such a word....i dont hate the people there...i dont even dislike them...but i cant bring myself to sit in their circles...even when it includes the professor.some of them proved they lack some basic common sense throuhg their designs....some have high opasity levels....some are anti-social...like 8]
so its just me and my music.
of course the professor is a huge disappointment..what i heard was that he's too good...he's strict....he gives extra readings and classes....he makes you produce even if you dont want to.
oh welll...
what i saw was two drama episodes each studio....unbelievably childish drama...that you migh actually consider getting up and putting an end to it..the only thing im admiring about this professor is that he doesnt interfer with the students' decisions....its your project and you'll be the judge...i like that....that also makes me dizzy....decisions make me dizzy....
the professorenjoys attention...he like to be needed....he likes to dramatize every single detail....he always has a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth..he bluffs a lot...oh and he's around 34...
but i lose all respect for him when he says something like 'today....3 o'clock.....your last chance'
being the person who cannot bring herself to watch a weekly drama on TV....im always laughing during those episodes...{while silence envelopes the room,and eyes are staring at their laps...u know..?}

so what im doing these days...is looking people in the eye a lot..i mean a whole lot!...i dont know what im hoping to achieve...but it feels like im in control with the whole world but myself...u know?

again,im not sad...my brother even thinks im a bit too happy these days....

i might just get meself a boyfriend..problem is....what do i do with that..?!

oh and,
people...
DO NOT leave meaningless comments just because you feel like it,or because i left one on your blog and you think you owe me one...deal?
{the 'oh and' part will be a regular from now on..}


12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meaningless comment .. just to tease you :)
But looks like you do need a BF ... just for giggles

By the way, what you're expriencing is only going to get worse. Not just that, you're going to get used to it ...

Yeah, growing up sucks!

"oh and" don't intimidate people like that ... let people say whatever they want! You're bored anyway .. then just entertain yourself with that stuff! Deal?

5:29 AM  
Blogger Dozz said...

'sigh'
you just dont get it.

i'll go speechless.

2:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

btw, sometimes I write comment just to say "hi" ...apparently this is very stupid in your scale. whatever..

anyway, your projects are...mmm I can't stand working in such projects, maybe that's why I avoided anything that's related to what you call art. utilizing new technologies is more fun to me :)

good luck, arrab ye5las el semester :D

3:22 PM  
Blogger Dozz said...

y5alles el semester..?..8|
what you - and most people - dont know is,we're not just artists,its architectural engineering,an 'architect' knows about everything and anything to be able to design....everything as in everything!
im talking art,philosophy,business,electrical engineering,science and technology,literature,the list goes on..bs most importantly civil engineering,im beginning to think we know more than civil engineers themselves!

anyway,you wanna say hi,you can just say hi,no?

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heared many complaints from Civil Engineers regarding the fantasies of Archetiect and their unrealistic designs, and I couldn't figure out who was the problem; the weakness of the civil engineers or the lack of sufficient enigineering background in archeticts. and to be honest, Im not interested :P


yeah I can say "hi", but you might find it stupid as well. Actually, your responses negatively changed..you know, you say the word "stupid" very often, and maybe you're not that kind of person who thinks everybody out there is stupid...or maybe I just don't know you.

don't underestimate your readers Dozz, specially those who respect you.

9:21 PM  
Blogger Dozz said...

:)
well guess what,i am that kind of person who thinks everyone's stupid,and sometimes I dont even exclude my self..you search this blog for 'stupid' and you'll know what i mean.

as for civil engineers and architects,the problem is both..civil engineers ,especially in this part of the world,would prefer to do things the easy way,and traditionally,ignoring the fact that architects' fantacies is exaclty what triggers structural revolutions,and of course architects would rather not concern themselves with structural solutions,although they should.
one more thing,I really,really dont appreciate the {do's and dont's}...thats for you and qwaider.
I know how to act.me need no advice about it...
'i do not mean this to be offensive in any way...im just stating a fact with a biig smile on my face'

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't say any "do" and "don't"

actually I will not say anything anymore here.

have fun, Amman girl.

3:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi .. Reading the post was amusing , but the comments , OMG , extremely funny :)

I like arts a lot , and I personally think architects they combine both , arts & engineering .. With a grain of salt .. (Allah yostor!)

I'm better off dealing with industrial designers .. at least they listen to what i say :)

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do agree about the architect's obligation to know (not just have an idea) about everything...
being an architect myself..
most poeple think it's just about a paper and a bunch of pencils.. when it's also about knowledge, dedication, taste and God... U need the good mood to go through it, and hey.. a cup of good Coffee ;)
I understood U r still studying...
Just want to tell u to try to enjoy it more, let the serious part for later.. trust me.. u'll have loads of that.. unfortunately...

4:54 PM  
Blogger Dozz said...

fadi,
yeah,the comments...

i guess this grain of salt is what makes things both coarse and tasty..

how about an [industrial designer]?
here's someone who also combines art and science,and listens to you as well,no?
B)

eva,
coffee coffee coffee..
isnt it about time they put it into tablets?
I cant say im not enjoying it,its like you said,you have to be dedicated,and the more dedicated you get,the more serious and complicated it gets.

1:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good words.

11:33 PM  
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4:33 AM  

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