u know...

so,

i've had it.
im not sad..on the contrary...i can say im happy,but
u know...
when the most delicious meal is just something to chew,
or when the most gorgeous work of art is just lame colors and figures,
or when the most professional of ADs looks like a cheap 2 minute clip
or when your favorite playlist doesnt include anything that you wont 'next'
or when you cant respond to a story,a joke..or even a threat
or when you start seeing everyone in 2D
or when you cannot recall what you were thinking 5 seconds ago

what could that be..?
i'll tell you.

the semester starts with a new hope of a good design professor,with a strong character 'u think!'...or you heard...and some other complimentary courses that didnt sound all that bad.
one week later,you find urself all over the place,trying to make a good case study,fine...you chose that class in particular to force yourself to work systematically...right?
it sounds like the main problem is my design studio here....right now it is....but it isnt,u know...?
aanyway..you realize its the hardest thing in the world to break your patterns and come up with a new vision for an 'OVERCHEWED' project in a couple of weeks,but you try,spending hours and days facing books and screens and nothing at all,and although it another site in jabal Amman...another sloped site that lies next to some old stairs...u eventually do,ignoring the fact that its your favorite spot in the whole area,its the exact stairs my friends and I built the fire on...the stairs at which we sat on a rainy day with the car's shade above our heads...the site is right next to those stairs....laid so perfectly...that i thought of building the whole thing underground so i wont mess it up.
which..gets me to the function we have...a community center....with a lot of multi-purpose and general purpose halls...meaning...you chose a theme.

bottom line people,
its the third project in jabal amman,
the third with a 'you choose' theme
the second with a slope
and the second with adjacent historical stairs

zzzhi2et!
the only thing thats changing is the context,and the people...getting worse...u know..?
the first project was of two parts....documentation of an old house...and then re-use.
the second was sort of an urban design project...for the land right across al-balad theatre,next to the stairs...what they basically wanted was soemthing to revive the old abandoned creepy stairs.
the third,now...is a community center at the land right across the street of wild jordan...

the keywords arent changing,u know...?

so im practically 'garfaaneh'..especially that im about to finish the second skecthbook...im sick of this tracing paper...my pencil and my scale...feels like they'r glued to me hand...im sick of this feeling of nausea that results of not sleeping at all...now i know better,i sleep a minimum of 2 hours...one minute im in love with mty project...i even refer to its elevation as 'its profile' sometiems 'profile is for humans if u dont get it'...other times...i wanna tear it all up and start over....
i mean...come oon...is this anywhere close to normal..?...or lets ignore normal,im not interested in normal..is this leading anywhere.....u know...?

was getting some food from mecca mall today....and now i know it...i am anti-social.
the way people walk...talk...laugh and behave....i see sheep..u know?
so now mecca mall is not to be approached on friday's....ever again!

getting back to the design studio...my two best friends are not with me...and the atmosphere there couldnt be any 'duller'..if there's such a word....i dont hate the people there...i dont even dislike them...but i cant bring myself to sit in their circles...even when it includes the professor.some of them proved they lack some basic common sense throuhg their designs....some have high opasity levels....some are anti-social...like 8]
so its just me and my music.
of course the professor is a huge disappointment..what i heard was that he's too good...he's strict....he gives extra readings and classes....he makes you produce even if you dont want to.
oh welll...
what i saw was two drama episodes each studio....unbelievably childish drama...that you migh actually consider getting up and putting an end to it..the only thing im admiring about this professor is that he doesnt interfer with the students' decisions....its your project and you'll be the judge...i like that....that also makes me dizzy....decisions make me dizzy....
the professorenjoys attention...he like to be needed....he likes to dramatize every single detail....he always has a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth..he bluffs a lot...oh and he's around 34...
but i lose all respect for him when he says something like 'today....3 o'clock.....your last chance'
being the person who cannot bring herself to watch a weekly drama on TV....im always laughing during those episodes...{while silence envelopes the room,and eyes are staring at their laps...u know..?}

so what im doing these days...is looking people in the eye a lot..i mean a whole lot!...i dont know what im hoping to achieve...but it feels like im in control with the whole world but myself...u know?

again,im not sad...my brother even thinks im a bit too happy these days....
i might just get meself a boyfriend..problem is....what do i do with that..?!

oh and,
people...
DO NOT leave meaningless comments just because you feel like it,or because i left one on your blog and you think you owe me one...deal?
{the 'oh and' part will be a regular from now on..}