unsettling dreams

2009-12-01T01:55:00.001+02:00

say you want to travel the world. how do you make it happen?

and no. things are not as simple as pack and leave :)

tiny infinity

2009-11-28T00:19:00.000+02:00

my lovely midnight hour - the good the bad. and the ugly

2009-11-27T23:58:00.004+02:00

you just realize. ugly feelings every now and then are a must for those who struggle to stay humane..

there are plenty of options actually. you can shut yourself up. not allow yourself to feel at all. this way you can be sure it'll never get you good or bad. you'll never get a taste of the beauty all around. and you'll probably never sense the ugliness. you survive

you can let it all in. the more you inhale the more you resent the ugliness that comes along. this results in giving in at some point and you tart numbing yourself. so the good doesn't interest you. the bad and ugly just pass by..and you survive

in the end. you must let it all in. the good. the bad and the ugly. the good will feel so darn good. it'll hit you hard and stimulate more good - both ways - and it will certainly be worth taking full dosage of the bad and the ugly.
surviving is not enough

oh and. commas are seriously too messy

what do you think we might see

2009-11-12T23:02:00.000+02:00

a mon etoile

2009-08-11T20:33:00.004+03:00

while we are sleeping..

2009-08-03T12:18:00.000+03:00

http://www.standupforjerusalem.org/index.php?action=list_videos

tomorrow

2009-07-14T10:44:00.004+03:00

inhale.

2009-05-03T11:07:00.000+03:00

widget reporting

2009-02-13T00:59:00.007+02:00

so she has been wandering around. a lot.
but she's not in the mood to talk about it. yet.

be well

vivre en ville

2009-02-04T02:16:00.002+02:00

wandering around the streets of amman has been my job for the past 6 years, it kills me to think that i'll soon have to get a 'real' job which requires that i sit in the same spot, 8 hours/day, 5 days/week.

don't you people find that ridiculous ?
i mean, i want to wander around the globe for God's sake...

so, whatever i saw, felt, heard, sniffed, tasted, fell in love with, and gathered during those years would certainly be useful to someone - as it is now very useful to my cousins - it might introduce some forgotten person, period, or place for all i know,and then there's the sad sad fact that i forget..i don't want to forget any of it.

so im gonna have to start documenting,
and who knows,
mayb one day,
i'll be documenting a largers raduis..around 6378.1 Km ?

oh and :)

so much for the speechless blog!

2009-01-18T11:44:00.003+02:00

one eye opener

2009-01-18T10:35:00.002+02:00

NESTLE'S INVESTMENT IN ZIONISM:

Employing 224,541 people in 479 factories worldwide, Nestle is not only Switzerland's largest industrial company but also the world's largest food company. (1) This corporate prominence means that what Nestle does sets an example for thousands of aspiring businesses. According to the Swiss-Israeli chamber of commerce, one of the most important examples Nestle has set is that it is advantageous to invest in Israel. (2) Nestle began investment in Israel in 1995 by buying 10% of Israeli food maker Osem Investments. Two years later Nestle increased its ownership, at a cost of $140 million, to 50.1% giving it the controlling share. (3) A January 2002 agreement between the Swiss and Israeli governments to avoid double taxation for Swiss companies that produce in Israel and sell in Europe led Nestle to announce in September 2002 vast expansion in Israel that will pour $80 million more into the Israeli economy. (4)

Nestle's main presence in Israel is in Sderot, a settlement founded in 1951 one kilometer from the Gaza Strip to accommodate an influx of Sephardic Jews in and to spread Jewish presence uniformly throughout Israel. (5) Sderot is built on the lands of the Palestinian town Al-Najd, which was ethnically cleansed in 1948. (6) Today Sderot is home to 23,000 Jewish immigrants from Morocco, Ethiopia, and the former Soviet Union, half of whom came in the last ten years. (7) Like many sites for immigrant settlement, or "development zones" as they are known to the Israeli state, Sderot lacks basic facilities that make for a comfortable living. It has the highest unemployment rate in Israel (10%) and a full 30% of the children living in Sderot depend on private and government charity. (8) 25% of the recent immigrants' children do not finish school. (9)

Enter Nestle: Jointly with Osem, Nestle already runs a 700 m2 factory in Sderot, and last year the company announced that it intended to open a 1,700 m2 research and development center there. (10) Such operations provide a decent wage and living in an other-wise poverty-stricken town. They, also, enable the Israeli government to continue to import Jews who will fill the land of Israel while denying Palestinians their right of return. In 2002 Nestle received a grant for 24% of the $5.6 million cost from the Israeli government, which offers various incentives to encourage investment in development zones. (11) The Israeli government gives these grants, funded in turn by US economic assistance, to companies that can help it solve the difficult social problems accompanying mass absorption of ethnically distinct groups. At the same time, building in development zones means building over the remains of Palestinian habitation. When the old stone buildings and stubborn cactus plants are covered over, so, too, it is hoped, are the grounds for a Palestinian history and right of return. In total, Nestle currently has over 4000 Israeli employees at 11 plants, with the following all in "development zones":Tzabar Salads (an Osem subsidiary) plant in Kiryat Gat (on the former site of Palestinian village Iraq al-Manshiyya, destroyed by Israelis after 1948); a ready-baked cakes factory in Ahihud; and a logistics center will be built in Nachsholim (Al-Tantura) (12)

But Nestle's benefits to the Israeli economy don't stop with just factories and jobs. The Research & Development center in Sderot is considered particularly beneficial to Osem's growth as it " gives [Osem] advantages in technological know-how and increased export opportunities through Nestle's distribution network." Consequently, Osem's shares are growing five times faster than the rest of the Tel Aviv stock market. (13) Also, Nestle's investment in Osem has meant that its products can reach a global market which is necessary not only to continued growth of the company but to its very survival in a time of deep local recession caused by the Intifada. Osem's sales turnover in 2001 was $460 million, of which 15% came from exports (14).

Furthermore, Nestle-Osem contributes to community development through numerous charity projects. "Schools receive assistance through the Join the Industry project which introduces various aspects of Israeli industry to the classroom. Senior managers visit schools and teach classes about their industry. Schools are also welcome to visit the Company's factories. Students receive guidance from Osem's executives" (15).

These educational projects relieve the Israeli government of having to furnish a budget for educational advancement. At the same time, because they are carried out by a private company, they can be directed to the benefit of Jewish Israelis only. It is through such private efforts that the Israeli state can claim to act democratically - treating all its citizens equally - while Palestinians are flagrantly discriminated against.

Detractors from a boycott against Nestle point to the factory Nestle has on PA territory, in the Karni industrial zone in Gaza (16). Many companies active in Israel employ low-skilled Palestinian labor, finding it advantageous to use a captive resident population that is at once socially deprived (no insurance or union), politically oppressed, and able to provide its own food and board (17). The opening of Nestle's factory in Karni, in spring 2000, should be understood in this context of abetting and benefiting from an apartheid system of social rights.

In sum, Nestle builds on stolen Palestinian lands, covers up the ruins, provides jobs and opportunities that realize the Zionist goal of a purely Jewish presence in Israel and then sells the products of such an apartheid system abroad so that the Israeli economy can flourish while spending vast amounts on the oppression of Palestinians demanding their rights. No wonder Nestle received from Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in 1998 the Jubilee Award, "the highest tribute ever awarded by the State of Israel in recognition of those individuals and organizations, that through their investments and trade relationships, have done the most to strengthen the Israeli economy." (18)

A CONSISTENT CORPORATE CRIMINAL:

Since 1977, Nestle has been the subject of an international boycott for its deceptive promotion of artificial baby milk as a superior alternative to mother's milk. Artificial baby milk can harm babies because it does not contain the natural antibodies which a mother's milk provides, and because it is extremely expensive causing many mothers to mix it with too much water resulting in mal-nutrition. Also, in many places the water used to dilute it is not potable. Once a mother starts giving her baby formula, her own supply of milk dries up. Nestle provides free packages of formula in hospitals with the result that many babies never even get a chance to start nursing. In 1984 the boycott forced Nestle to agree to abide by the World Health Organization's International Code of Marketing of Breast-Milk Substitutes. However, when it was discovered that the company has not abided by its promise, the boycott was re-launched in 1988. It continues vigorously to this day. (19)

Nestle has also attracted criticism for its use of genetically modified ingredients, and for its cocoa and coffee-buying policies which encourage slavery. For example, Nestle purchases cocoa from the Ivory Coast where cocoa plantations use child slavery. (20) Most recently, the company has been implicated in lobbying against vaccination of livestock during the British Foot and Mouth Disease outbreak in 2001. (21)

Does Nestle ever recognize corporate responsibility for human suffering caused by its management and production practices? In 2000, Nestle donated $20 million to Holocaust reparations funds, saying, " As the legal successor of [Nazi] corporations, Nestlé nevertheless accepts its moral responsibility to help alleviate human suffering, all the more so since this injustice was committed in the Company's domain." (22) Such commitment to redressing wrongs visited on one sector of humanity makes Nestle's hypocritical exploitation of Palestinian factory workers and investment in the apartheid structure of Israel all the more worthy of attack.

WHAT DO WE DEMAND FROM NESTLE?

A "consumer-driven company" like Nestle must have its finger close to the pulse of consumers' demands (23) Nestle's corporate administration should know that Arabs and people of conscience throughout the world condemn Nestle's economic and moral support for a corrupt, racist social system. Nestle must close its factories in Israel and sell its shares of Osem until Israel acknowledges the Palestinian right of return and right of nation on all historical Palestine. If consumers in countries where Osem's products are marketed today boycott these products, then Osem's Israeli factories will be rendered "under-productive" and face closure. If Nestle knows that it cannot ever produce enough in Sderot/al-Najd, Kiryat Gat/Iraq al-Manshiyya, Nachsholim/Al-Tantura to cover the costs of business lost in the Arab world and abroad, then it will have no choice but to divest from Israel.

Arabs are not alone in their boycott of Nestle. In addition to the groups mentioned above who boycott Nestle for other, laudable, reasons, Britain's largest union, UNISON and a major Christian group, Christian Aid, have added Nestle to their boycott of Israel goods.(24) Nestle's Israeli adventure began only after the thawing of the Arab boycott in 1993, so let the company know that our objections to Israel have not been reduced by the "peace process" but rather increased.

HOW TO BOYCOTT NESTLE?

Nescafé, Taster's Choice, Hills Bros, Cerealac, Nido, Fitness & Fruit, Appleminis, Cheerios, Chocapic Cornflakes (in some countries), Shreddies, Golden Grahams, Trix, Perrier, Poland Spring, Deer Park, Calistoga, Sohat, Vittel, Pure Life, Carnation, Libby's, Nesquik, Maggi, Buitoni , Milkybar, KitKat, Quality Street, Smarties, Oreo, After Eight, Lion, Aero, Polo, Toll Hosue Morsels, Crunch, L'Oréal, Alcon Eyecare, Goobers, Mint Royal, Nerds, Oh Henry!, Rowntree, Rolo, Del Monte Real Fruit Bar, Minute Maid, Petit Gervals, Contadina, Alpo, Purina, Tidy Cats, Meow Mix, Mighty Dog, Friskies, Felix, Stouffers

Be sure to write a letter or e-mail to Nestle Headquarters letting them know of your objection to their support for Israel.
http://www.nestle.com/Data/ContactUs/index.asp

Or
Nestlé USA, Inc.
800 North Brand Blvd.
Glendale, CA 91203
Telephone: 1-818-549 60 00
Fax: 1-818 549 69 52
Nestlé Consumer Services:
Direct Telephone: 1-818 549 6818

1) http://www.nestle.com/all_about/at_a_glance/index.html

2) Swiss Embassy - Tel Aviv, "Economic relations with Israel,"
http://www.eda.admin.ch/telaviv_emb/e/home/comeco/econo.html

3) "Nestle to Set Up Research Center in Israel," Kosher Today, Dec 26, 2000,
http://www.koshertoday.com/weekly%20news%20archives/2000/122600.htm

4) "Stories of Success II," Israeli Ministry of Industry,
http://www.moit.gov.il/root/Hidden/ipc/advantagesstories2.html#osem ;
Tal Muscal, "Treasury: Swiss companies plan to expand investments here," Jerusalem Post, January 24, 2002,
http://www.jpost.com/Editions/2002/01/24/Digital/Digital.42264.html

5) Janine Zacharia, "Rockin' Moroccans," in The Jerusalem Report, Jan. 7,1997,

http://www.jrep.com/Info/10thAnniversary/1997/Article-1.html.

6) Palestine Remebered.com, "Najd,"
http://netfinity2.palestineremembered.com/Gaza/Najd/

7) Yedid - Citizens' Rights Center, "Background,"
http://www.yedid.co.il/whatwedo/crc/sderot.html.

8) Gvanim Association, "Background,"
http://www.gvanim.org.il/info/english/welcome.htm

9) Yedid, op cit.

10) "Rockin' Moroccans," op cit.; Mir Arielli, "Economy More
Threatening Than Rockets," March 19, 2003,
http://www.themedialine.org/news/news_detail.asp?NewsID=1365

11) "Nestle Applies for Grant," in ATID, March 3, 2002,
http://www.atid-edi.com/bw3-3-02.htm

12) Ibid.; "Union upgrades Osem to Buy," TheMarker.com, Sept. 23, 2002,
http://www.thestreet.com/_yahoo/tech/themarker/10043621.html;
"Incentives to Invest in Israel," Israel Export Institute,
http://www.export.org.il/IsraelExportInstitute/buildagate/general2/dat
a_card.php3?NewNameMade=10&ValuePage=Prod; Elmer Winter,
"How to Make Money in Israel," Committee for Economic Growth for Israel March
Newsletter, (March 8, 1999), http://www.cegi.org

13) Osem to invest $80m in new development region plants," Sept. 2002,
http://www.israeltrade.org.au/comnews0902.html#ciii2

14) "Union upgrades Osem to Buy," op cit.

15) Osem to invest $80m," op cit.

16) Vered Sharon-Rivlin, "Marketing 2001 - Ups and downs for Israel's top tier execs" Globes, Dec. 30, 2001,
http://www.globes.co.il/serveEN/globes/special_temp.asp?fid=1652

17)http://www.community.nestle.com/mosaic.asp?pays=16

18) Haggay Etkes,"Nestle, Pepsi-Cola, Japan Tobacco To Open Plants in Karni Industrial Zone," Globes/Israel's Business Arena, April 30, 2000,
http://www.tobacco.org/articles/country/israel/?&total_count=147&starting_at=100

19) BT'selem, "Builders of Zion: Human Rights Violations of Palestinians from the Occupied Territories Working in Israel and
and in the Settlements," Sept. 1999, http://www.btselem.org/

20) From the Virtual Israel website, quoted by Friends of Al-Aqsa,
http://www.aqsa.org.uk/flyers/boycott.html

21) Baby Milk Action,
"The Nestle Boycott," http://www.babymilkaction.org/pages/boycott.html

22) http://www.jsonline.com/bym/news/jun01/response24062301.asp

23) Corporate Watch, Nestle Profile,
http://www.corporatewatch.org.uk/profiles/food_supermarkets/nestle/
Nestle_Profile.rtf

24) "Nestlé: Solidarity Contribution of CHF

25)Million to US Settlement," Corporate Web-Site, August 28, 2000
http://www.ir.nestle.com/home-frameset.asp?largeur=800 25)
William Echikson, "Nestle: An Elephant Dances ,"Business Week, Dec. 11, 2000,
http://www.businessweek.com/2000/00_50/b3711064.htm

27) FelicityArbuthnot, "Boycott Israeli outlaws," The Guardian May 29, 2002,
http://www.cpa.org.au/garchve5/1093boycott.html

Contacts again

Nestlé USA, Inc.
800 North Brand Blvd.
Glendale, CA 91203
Telephone: 1-818-549 60 00
Fax: 1-818 549 69 52
Nestlé Consumer Services:
Direct Telephone: 1-818 549 6818
Direct Fax: 1-818 549 63 30
http://www.nestle.com/Data/ContactUs/index.asp

are we human?

2009-01-15T02:04:00.001+02:00

2009-01-04T01:30:00.001+02:00

disturbia...

on so many different levels

2008-10-21T00:58:00.002+03:00

October 2008 in Akka (Acre)
Course of Events
Updated 14 October 2008

"Co-existence is a catch-phrase. After all, Akka is a
city such as Ra'anana, Kfar Saba and Haifa, that must
maintain its Jewish identity. I don't think there is a
dispute. Akka is the Galilee capital, thousands of
years of Jewish history. We are here in order to
preserve the Jewish identity, fortify its spirit and to
withstand this national challenge."

Rabbi Yossi Stern, head of the Akka "Hesder" Yeshiva
Caption: Akka resident's car, 11 October 2008

October 2008 in Akka
Timeline of Events
Tuesday, 7 October
Abbas Zakour, an Arab member of Knesset (Islamic Movement) and a resident of Akka
sends a letter to the Minister of Public Security, Avi Dichter, demanding that the police place
mobile patrols in Arab and Jewish friction areas in Akka. He warns of a disaster on Yom
Kippur (the holiest Jewish holiday; the Day of Atonement) after the violent events in the past
years on this day in Akka. His request is refused.
Wednesday, 8 October (Yom Kippur eve) around 12 midnight
Tawfik Jamal, a 48-year-old Arab citizen of Israel from Akka, rides in his car to the house of relatives, the Sha'aban family, who live in the eastern part of the city, to pick up his daughter. The daughter helped the family prepare cakes for a wedding ceremony planned to be held the following week. Jamal drove slowly and quietly with no radio or speakers turned on. His 18-yearold
son and the son's 20-year-old friend were also in the car. Jewish youth attacked the car with stones after he parked it and entered his relatives' home from which he called the police. "Me, my son and his friend were close to death by a hairbreadth," said Jamal.

Fifteen people were besieged in the Sha'aban family home, surrounded and attacked by a
large group of Jewish individuals, while the police stood aside. A rumor spread in the old city
of Akka that one of the besieged people was killed and that people were called to help them
escape. Simultaneously, the police were negotiating with the Jewish rioters to rescue the
besieged family in order to prevent further conflict between the Arab and Jewish residents.
After a few hours, the family members were rescued. The hundreds of agitated Arab youth
returned to the old city, and on the way back, a few of them through stones at cars and shops
in the city's Ben-Ami street.

Thursday, 9 October
After Yom Kippur ended, a large group of Jewish residents, estimated at 1,500, gathered
around the train station in the eastern and northern parts of the city. The chief of the northern
district police, major general Shimon Koren, reported two riot centers, one between Strauss
junction and "Magen David" junction in the eastern part of the city, and the other in the Wolfsson
neighborhood, north of the Akka bus station. The Jewish rioters threw stones, clashed with the
police and attacked Arab passersby.
Ten rioters were arrested and a few people were injured.Hundreds of Jewish rioters closed
in on the Abu-Ataba family house,located on Ehad Ha'am Street.They threw stones at the home and damaged it, and at the same time,they called out, "Death to the Arabs". Some of the family members were injured.
That night police commissioner Inspector General Dudi Cohen met the leaders of the Arab
and Jewish communities in Akka. After the meeting, he said that, "it is important to call for
total calm. Everyone must examine themselves and restore peace and quiet. We need to reach
a state of calm in the city, and let life return to its path." Leaders of the Arab public issued
statements to calm down the situation as well, but representatives of the Jewish community
did not. Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Minister of Foreign Affairs Tzipi Livni also
demanded that peace be restored, but to date, no Israeli official had denounced the violent
actions of the Jewish residents.

Friday, 10 October
During the riots after the holiday, at least eight people were injured. Repeatedly, Jews were injured while colliding with police forces, while the Arabs were injured by Jewish offenders. Five
hundred police were stationed in the city. Despite statements made by the police that their intent
was to prevent further riots in the eastern neighborhoods, the rioters were not driven away
but they continued assaulting Arab citizens who that lived in the area.The police cleared away a few gatherings of rioters near the "Eshkol" school, where the protesters threw stones on a few Arab cars and homes. Ten people were arrested.The Jewish crowd attacked the Hamad family
home, near the West Galilee College; the Barghouti home located on Hayozrim Street; and another Arab family house on Ehad Ha'am Street.Two other Arab family homes in Harav Lopez and Ramhal Streets were burned down.Akka mayor Shimon Lankri announced the cancellation of the Akka Alternative Theater Festival which is held annually in the city. The festival was due to open on 15 October. The mayor stated that, "considering the anger and infringement of the religious rights of the residents conducting the festival would be in bad taste." On the previous evening, the mayor had called on Israelis to come to the festival. The festival's cancellation came after Jewish rioters demanded it as an economic sanction against the city's Arabs.

Riots in the northern neighborhoods took place in Alkalai, Ben Shushan and Ehad Ha'am
Streets. In these areas of the city, there is a Jewish majority; about twenty Arab families live
there in total. The Jewish rioters gathered in the streets and cried "Death to the Arabs". They
attacked Arab family homes trying to make their inhabitants flee; they damaged the homes
and set them on fire. The riots continued: trees and garbage cans were set on fire in the
streets. A text message distributed to Jewish residents called to boycott Arab tradesmen and
shopkeepers.
Around midnight, three Jewish residents were arrested while trying to damage an Arab
family's house. The violent clashes resumed in the eastern neighborhood. Twelve rioters were
arrested.

Saturday, 11 October
Arab public representatives issued a statement in which they condemned Jamal, the driver of
the car, for driving on Yom Kippur. The driver publicly apologized before a session of the Knesset's Interior Committee.The representatives of the Jewish community in Akka, the mayor and the city's rabbi, declined to accept the apologies. Riots continued. The mayor demands more arrests.
A petition is circulated on the Internet to which many Arab and Jewish artists and academics have signed on. The petition calls for the Akka Alternative Theatre Festival to be held as planned.

At nightfall, a Jewish mob burns down another house of an Arab family. The police confront the
Jewish law-breakers.Sunday, 12 October Several Arab women and children who have been
evacuated from their homes try to return in order to take clothes and supplies but fail to do so. The
Arab families demonstrate in front of City Hall; Jewish lawbreakers come there and attack them.

Mayor Lankri changes his position and declares: "I'm glad the Arab leadership is condemning this grave incident."During the last four days of confrontations, 54 people were arrested, half Jews and half Arab citizens. Systematically, the courts release most of the Jewish detainees, while the time of
detention for the Arab detainees is extended. The Minister of Science, Culture and Sport, Galeb Majadle,announced that he opposes the

postponement of the Akka Festival. In an interview to Ynet, the chief of the northern district
police Shimon Koren states that those who are disrupting public order are Jewish: "We know
who they are and we'll get them." He made it clear that even when the riots end, arrests will
continue: "We have evidence and we will file indictments."
In response to these violent events, the head of the "Hesder" Yeshiva, Rabbi Yossi Stern
promised to build a new campus for the Yeshiva in town as soon as possible: "Akka is the
national test in the struggle for the character of the State of Israel," he declares.
Monday, 13 October
Police arrest and interrogate the son of Tawfik Jamal, the Arab citizen of Israel who drove in
the Jewish neighborhood on the eve of Yom Kippur and who was blamed for causing the
riots although he was attacked and his life was in danger.
Later, the police released Mr. Jamal's son and arrested Mr. Jamal himself. He is being
interrogated and his detention was extended by the court. The police claim that he is
suspected of driving beyond the speed limit, endangering human life and hurting "religious
sentiments" when driving on Yom Kippur in a Jewish neighborhood.
Hurting the feelings of others and driving on Yom Kippur are not criminal offenses.
Tuesday, 14 October
Solidarity committees for the Arab residents of Akka, initiated by Jews and Arabs, are
visiting the city.
The riots against Arab citizens in Akka receive Arab and international attention around the
world. Arab public leaders demand a neutral independent investigation committee and not
one appointed by the state. "We have learned the lesson of October 2000," Arab leaders
declared.
There is still no solution for the Arab families forced to flee from the eastern neighborhood
during the nights of riots. Most of them are still staying in hotels and at relatives' houses. The
police are not acting to bring them back to their homes.

October 2008 in Akka
Attacks by Jewish extremists on Arab citizens in recent years Violent harassment by Jews against Arab residents of the city of Akka did not start on Yom Kippur eve 2008. The wave of attacks and intimidation already started in 2002, just before a religious Yeshiva school was established in the city and Jewish settlers moved in. A few of the many documented events are listed below:
2002:
Lawyer Madikha Ramal’s car is set on fire following a bomb explosion in Netanya.
2005:
The homes of three Arab families on Alkalai Street are set on fire: the Ramal, Sha'aban and
Khalaile families.
2007:
In the same neighborhood, Subhi Morsi is attacked and his car is set on fire.
8 April 2008:
Jewish extremists set Ramal’s house on fire again. Molotov cocktails are thrown into the
house while the family members are asleep.
23 April 2008:
“Al-Manshiya” mosque is vandalized by four Jewish youth living in the neighborhood.
During the interrogation, they admit to an attempt to burn down another Arab family's house
a few months ago.
Since 2002, slogans like “Death to Arabs” are permanently tagged over the neighborhood’s
walls and inside the elevators of apartment buildings.

October 2008 in Akka
Testimonies from families who were attacked
The Ali Family
Walid and Tamam Ali and their three children have lived on Lopez Street since 1976. On 9
October 2008, at around 19:30, they saw a mass of people – about three hundred –
approaching their house. Within seconds the crowd started throwing stones and shouting
'Death to the Arabs', 'Leave this place and our country', and similar slogans. A barrage of
heavy stones (pieces of pavement) damaged the doors of the house and the windows,
including a large glass door in the living room. The attack lasted for around 30 minutes.
Everything within the house was shattered, and the mob closed in on the house. Tamam Ali,
the mother, lost consciousness due to a drop in her blood pressure caused by the events.
The Ali family called the police multiple times, always receiving the same reply: the police
know about what is occurring and would do something but the whole city is in shambles.
However, the police never came, and eventually the Ali family called their relatives to ask
them to come and assist them in escaping.
Walid Ali's brother and nephew arrived in their car but could not enter their street because the
police had put a barrier at the street's entrance and were not allowing anyone to pass. After
about one and a half hours of asking the police, two Arab police on guard finally agreed to let
them enter the street as well as to accompany them to home of the Ali family. Together they
helped the family members leave the house; the mother was in a bad physical condition and
the rest of the family was in a state of shock. Throughout the rescue, the mob outside kept
throwing stones and swearing, and began cheering that they "succeeded" in driving the family
from its house.
After the family left the house, the crowds dragged Ali's car into the middle of the street,
turned it over and went on throwing stones at it as well as the house. Later that evening, one

of the Jewish neighbors called the police and said that the mob had set fire to the car. Later
that night the police sent six officers to guard the house's entrance.
On Friday, the next morning, the eldest son of the family, along with a friend, came to the
house to fetch some clothes, money and several other things. The moment they reached the
house, dozens of Jewish rioters approached them and threatened that they would hurt them if
they did not leave immediately. They yelled and swore at them, calling them "dirty Arabs".
The two teenagers were scared and left immediately without taking anything. On their way
out, one of the neighbors – a department manager in the city hall – told the crowds: "Drive
them away. Don't let them stay here. We don't want Arabs in this neighborhood and not in
our country either. This is our country." The policemen who witnessed all of this did not
interfere. That evening, the son's car was also set on fire while the police watched.
On Saturday, the next evening, the mobs set fire to the whole house, again while the police
watched. Several Jewish neighbors called the fire brigade. Despite the fact that the fire station
is located very close to the house, it took the brigade around 15 minutes to arrive.
On Sunday evening, the boys returned again, trying to take some school books and uniforms
for the younger son from the house. They found most of the house had been burned down,
and no electricity. They could not assess the damage because of the lack of electricity. The
neighbors informed them that before the mob had set fire to the house they had stolen many
things from inside.

The Sa'adi Family
Hana and Jalal Sa'adi live in a house on 9/3 Yosef Gadish Street in Akka's Eastern Quarter.
The couple have three daughters aged 7, 6 and 3 and half years old. Hana also has two sons
from her previous marriage: Tamer Zaidan (24) and Omri Zaidan (20). On 9 October, the
family, including the two sons and three daughters, was at home when a violent Jewish mob
appeared outside.
The mob forced open the house gate, destroyed the garden and broke the blinds on the living
room window and the glass window on the porch. The family called the police multiple times
but received no assistance; the police did not come to aid or evacuate the family. After the
mob left, Hana fled on foot to the police to ask for help, first from an officer who responded
by telling her "to learn her lesson", and then at the police station, where she was told to return
home with no police escort, being promised that a YASAM (riot police) unit would be sent
immediately. Hana returned home on foot, despite the danger involved. She waited for hours
for the police unit to arrive.
The next day, the Jewish mob appeared at the house again. Around nine o'clock in the
evening, people began to throw rocks at the house while cursing and yelling racist slurs,
causing extensive destruction to the house and scaring and traumatizing the entire family.
After around twenty minutes a YASAM unit arrived and told the occupants to prepare for a
rescue-evacuation. They were evacuated in a police vehicle, while the rioting mob hurled
rocks at the vehicle.
The vehicle arrived at the station, where the adult members of the family were notified of
their arrest. The girls were put into the custody of family members. The next day, 11 October,
Hana, the mother, was released at 2 o'clock in the afternoon but Jalal, Tamer and Omri were
kept under arrest.
The three, in addition to five Jewish residents who had been arrested, were brought before a
judge in the Kiryon Magistrate's Court. Subsequently all of the Jewish detainees were
released but the detention of the three Arab detainees was extended and they remained
imprisoned. While the family members were trapped in the house, they received no police
assistance, and thus they threw stones back at the rioters in order to keep them away. This
was the reason given for the arrest and detention of the adult males in the family. This pattern
was repeated in the other assault cases: the police arrested the victims of assault together
with the perpetrators, and then in court the perpetrators were set free while the victims'
detention was extended.

The Rammal Family
On 8 October, the members of the Rammal Family were removed from their home in Alkalai
Street in Akka under police protection because they feared that their lives were in danger.
They have been moving to different locations since then and so far have been unable to return
home. In an interview with Arab journalists the mother, Ronza Rammal, criticized the
powerlessness of the police against Jewish extremists who are creating a regime of terror by
attacking Arab families in the area. She emphasized that she and her children live in
extremely difficult circumstances, wandering from house to house without their most basic
belongings.
Her daughter, Walaa, asked all institutions and responsible individuals to interfere quickly
and to solve the family’s problems by letting them return to their home. Currently they are
living in a two-room apartment in Wolfsson with ten inhabitants.
On Sunday 12 October, Walaa asked the police to escort her to her home in order to pick up
clothing and other necessary items for the family. The police refused to accompany her,
declaring “We are not your taxi drivers.” However, after the family insisted, the police agreed
to their request and two police cars accompanied the taxi in which the family traveled. At the
entrance to Alkalai Street, they encountered a threatening mob of Jews shouting “Death to the
Arabs!” and the police immediately withdrew, requesting that the family retreat.
Ronza Rammal says that these attacks have one goal, “to drive us out of our neighbourhood,
and to make the Arabs leave Akka. But we will remain in Akka, where we were born, in spite
of the violence directed against us,” she insisted.

The Halaila Family
The Halaila family was removed from their home in Alkalai Street by the police on 10
October after their daughter was attacked by Jewish rioters. The mother and her four
daughters currently have nowhere to live. On 12 October, she approached the Akka
Municipality ask for help and to find a solution for her problem.
In an interview, Mrs. Halaila said: “Our situation is extremely grave. The children do not go
to school, we have no clothes, we do not go to work. We asked the Municipality to provide
us, as it is obligated to, with temporary living quarters. We also asked to be escorted to our
neighborhood in order to collect our necessities and clothing.” On 12 October they tried to
return home, but were attacked and chased away by Jewish rioters.
The Sha'aban Family
The Sha'aban family’s home on Alkalai Street was attacked, vandalized, and subsequently
burned down by Jewish rioters. The police helped the family to leave but did not protect the
house.

The Morsi Family
On 11 October, Jewish rioters attacked the home of Soubhi Morsi in the Al-Manshiya
neighborhood in the eastern part of Akka. “They destroyed everything. It just shows how
much hatred has been buried inside them for years,” said Morsi in an interview. The attack
left the house completely burned down.
The Barghouti family’s home in the eastern part of Akka, in HaYotsrim Street, was attacked
damaged and set on fire several times during the riots.
12
Akka, October 2008
“Activities to Judiaze Akka”
The latest events in Akka are part of a trend that has not received public attention: a
widespread attack by the national right-wing groups on mixed Jewish-Arab cities.
It is worth reading the racist calls to boycott Arab businesses in Akka together with the call to
settle in Led (Lod) in 2002. These calls have produced results and one can see the connection
between them and the activities of extremists in Jaffa-Tel Aviv. In recent years the national
right-wing party called “the Seeds of the Settlements” have concentrated in Led, Ramla,
Akka, Jaffa, and other areas at ‘demographic risk’ and they are being encouraged by the local
authorities to carry out ‘social work’ in the areas. Today there are around 200 yeshivas in
Akka in addition to around 1000 settler-extremists.
The Ometz (Courage) Group
This group in Akka was established by Jewish settlers, graduates of yeshivas in the West
Bank towns of Hebron, Kedumim, and south of Mount Hebron. One of the founders is Ishai
Rubin, who was born and raised in the ‘ideological’ settlement of Elon Moreh. Rubin and his
friend David Cohen had initially planned to join a new settlement on one of the hills around
Hebron, but decided to move to Akka instead.
In 1997 a group of young families settled in Akka, with the intention of strengthening the
process of “Judiazation of the city”. More and more young settlers are moving to the mixed
towns who are members of the national religious movement mainly focusing on ‘social
issues.’ Some of them see this as an important ideal in and of itself. Others view it as a means
of increasing the financial support among Israeli Jews. Their leader is Rabbi Nachshon
Cohen, formerly of the Hebron Yeshiva in the Beth Romano settlement in Hebron. In an

interview with journalists from Ha'aretz, he declared: “There is no doubt at all that the
settlement of Yesha is as vital as that of Misgav Am or Kiryat Shmona.”
The National Unity Party is active in Jaffa. A conference in April 2008 devoted to the
‘settlement’ of Ramla was initiated by the nationalist right-wing party, the religious Amichai
group and the Komemiut movement (established after the withdrawal from Gaza). The illegal
actions of these settlers, which appear to be supported by the government, are similar to that
undertaken in the Occupied Palestinian Territory (OPT).
These young settlers are carrying out "social missions”, intended to judiaze Israeli society
and to reinforce hostility against the Arabs. They recruit residents by promising nationalreligious
families the chance to improve their quality of life by moving to mixed cities in
communities within Israel with economic support from the State.
According to the Head of the Hesder Yeshiva in Akka, Rabbi Yossi Stern:
"Akka is a national test. Akka today is Israel in 10 years’ time. What happens in Akka today
is what will happen in Israel. We are the vanguard. We respect the State, and we must, by
every possible means, be strong and stand firm for its honour.
Co-existence is a slogan. Ultimately Akka is a town like Raanana, Kfar Saba, or Haifa, and
must safeguard its Jewish identity. I think everyone would agree that Akka is the capital city
of Galilee, of thousands of years of Jewish history. We are here to preserve that Jewish
identity and to reinforce that spirit, to stand for our nation’s honour.
There were plenty of houses for sale here, and the situation was that either Arabs would buy
them, or that we would bring yeshiva students to live in them. Recently another 30 families
from the group have come in. Today, we are constructing a large community of settlers, and
creating permanent housing for them." (Channel 7).
The yeshiva is located on the site of an old synagogue in Kiryat Wolfsson. It is intended to
block access to Arab residents in the area, and to contribute to the ‘Judiazation’ of the city.
Thus the apartments in which the yeshiva students live are in buildings and areas in which all
or most of the residents are Arabs.

Economic boycotts – not the first time
A petition recently disseminated among Jewish residents calls for the boycott of Arab
tradesmen and businesses in the city. A new Internet site has been set up, specifically to
encourage these sanctions: www.akko.txt.co.il
During the riots, flyers were distributed – “Jews don’t buy from Arabs”. An important rabbi
endorsed the boycott. Other boycotts were also organized following the events of October
2000, and for almost a whole year Jewish citizens purchased very little from shops in Akka’s
Old City and rarely visited the area. A similar boycott was attempted following the violent
events at the end of Simchat Torah two years ago but failed.
Arab businesses in Akka are suffering as a result, yet the Municipality has cancelled the
Alternative Theatre Festival – one of the best sources of income for Arab tradesmen in the
Old City.
14
Four ongoing processes are underway to ‘Judiaze’ the mixed towns:
a) Making life more difficult for Arab citizens, instituting discriminatory practices with
regards to providing services, marginalizing Arabs in order to encourage them to
leave;
b) Erasing all signs of Arab identity including the destruction of historic buildings and
inscriptions, and street names and names of historic sites in Arabic;
c) Acquiring buildings and property through government-owned companies in
accordance with laws targeted at the ‘Judiazation’ of cities, not allowing families to
inherit property, and making squatting and other forms of control of property easier.
All of this is supported by unlimited financial contributions from wealthy Jews
abroad;
d) Rehabilitating some of the neighborhoods; turning them into artists’ quarters,
galleries, and tourist projects without the inclusion of any Arab citizens.

2008-09-23T02:23:00.002+03:00

when you cant, it means you wouldn't,it means you couldn't and you shouldn't.

but then it is.he is.she is and they are.

so you are,you will and you must.

best regards

2008-09-15T03:14:00.000+03:00

because i love white and chubby

2008-09-06T02:36:00.002+03:00

its serious though..

no one knows

2008-09-05T02:25:00.002+03:00

...that most days,when i decide to have my coffee walking around the dinning table,i spill drops of coffee on the salon's carpet,and on my PJ's of course.tiny little non-cleanable drops.but at this rate...in 5 years,the carpet will definitely be darker...

..that i have to add/remove a very small amount of any powder i cook with.after i add the desired amount of 'spoons'.

...that i have to distribute the toothpaste evenly on my toothbrush in order to brush my teeth.but im almost over that one.

...that i have to find the right outfit for 'almost' everyday when im getting dressed,meaning combinations that had been worn and proved comfortable previously cannot be repeated so randomly. they have to suit the aura of that day.

...that i still peek at the car's speedometer when im changing gears.

...that i plan my daydreaming just like anything else within my day.

...when there are tiles,i would rather not step on the edges as i walk.and i actually make an effort.

....that i believe i like people according to their smell,though im never really conscious of that sense.

...that my favorite times of day are those in the car,and in the shower.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

this wont end today.
i love chocolate.

un mois muscial

2008-08-24T00:42:00.003+03:00

one huge 'seriously'

2008-08-24T00:38:00.002+03:00

seriously

2008-08-16T00:00:00.002+03:00

i think--which is something i know i overdo-- that i've been saying too many "seriously's" lately....so its either my life has turned into one big joke,or there's simply somehting very wrong with the world..

i had wanted this to be a very long post where i explain-in detail- why i can no longer relate to anyone,but then i realized i just have one simple question i could really use an answer to...am i the only one who's being reminded daily that the city-amman-is running out of decency*?

* decency : any sort of sensible righteous humane behavior,however motivated,and no matter how its carried out.

merci

il avait quelque chos'd'un ange

2008-08-02T22:34:00.001+03:00

nots

2008-07-18T02:12:00.002+03:00

not B
not T
not F
not E
not S
and certainly not an A

then what the hell am I?

the divine balance

2008-07-06T01:07:00.002+03:00

a humanist once stated, that humans are most at peace when the 'real self', 'the perceived self',and the 'ideal self' are most congruent.

'note that they are three separate entities'!

the real self represents who the person is,genetically....a person's most natural spontaneous evolution
[if it ever happens and of course it never does] ...
the ideal self is the self one creates with his/her own standards,what they should be...
and then comes the 'perceived self'...
'who do u think you are?!'

i find it hilarious that there's such a huge gap between those three for most human beings, i also cant believe i'm writing a lecture-like post on my blog...but then,what do i really know about me,let alone my blog!
although i always thought i've got a very clear set of standards and ideals,which i established during my last year of school,when i spent most of my time clutching a book and walking around tables....people worried and studied,i meditated and dreamt.

so,what i can do is,keep stating the things i like and i dont like,and hope that i,people,and the other i agree...:P...i like popcorn,i like empty notebooks,i dont like hip-hop,i like curly hair,i like colors,i dont like dishonesty,i like textures,i like serenity,i dont like ordinary,i dont like meat,i like sleep,so im gonna sleep...i will go on with this for some time..until i know whether i appreciate the beauty at the ned of the street or not.

bisou

how serious

2008-06-06T01:15:00.005+03:00

its not nice..
its just not nice when great opportunities pass you by...
its even ugly when you have nothing to do with it...
and the ugliest thing of all...is when you just have to convince yourself its not a big deal,and move on :)

because it is a big deal.

i just hope i wont spend the whole summer speaking of this

oh welll..someday...eventually

sacrifice..

2008-05-07T15:50:00.002+03:00

is not nice..
not good,
not a virtue,
not even close.

comming around...in love

2008-03-22T00:07:00.004+02:00

very typical love story...
.seeing a strange yet very attractive 'entity' for a period of time
.staring harder
.and harder
.stumbling upon another picture and an article explaining what is it to find out its even more grand..
.in love,and at peace

its mies,and koolhaas..by the way

:)

maple,and peacan interrupted

2008-01-03T09:08:00.000+02:00

its 2:15...and i wont sleep...im trying to absorb things,the desk,the glass partitian,the snow,the lights,the vents,the robotic tones,the bare trees,the chill....i dont know if it was any of those,or is it my sister,that bookstore,the urban decay,the coffee,the long rides,the vibrant city,or the endless possiblities..is it that i have suspended my life for the past wo weeks,is it the surreality,or the reality of this place that makes me not want to leave??

my sis,

the challenge,

toronto has captured my heart,and i have no desire what-so-ever to get back to amman.its sad how one's desires can become 'twisted' common sense.

darn this blog is turning into something i dont like..

what is what

2007-10-30T02:04:00.000+02:00

...
and you want yourself to function properly,when you cant decide who's worse, the pathetic loser who 'obviously' wasn't so popular among 'the girls' during his college days....enjoying the attention along with his mid-life crisis.....or the irresponsible shallow,who shows up suddenly and has no control over what he says,reasonably and morally....which can mess up the lives of 50 people.....or,the no-input assistant who 'always' looks and acts like she just woke up.....and there's of course the messy character,who's so wise yet so bitter....unsatisfied with something,a friendly wanna be.....or....who contributes nothing to humanity...yet,is the most arrogant airhead i've ever seen...or,the proletariat

but hey,i guess thats life when you grow up

EMI

2007-10-15T01:01:00.000+03:00

2007-09-19T02:31:00.000+03:00

and there comes the first branding ma2lab....

..and the worst.

2007-09-06T01:08:00.000+03:00

I just realized i'm so much more messed up than i thought..

Bob Dylan-just like a woman

powered by ODEO

Emilia-big world

Jimmie Hendrix-voodoo child

powered by ODEO

Queen-bohemian rhapsody

Radiohead-black star

REM-losing my religion

powered by ODEO

U2-i still haven't found what im looking for

nothing that cant be fixed..

There is.

2007-09-01T14:28:00.000+03:00

there's the sewing machine..
there's the Gym..
there are piano lessons..
there's a book..
there's the basement renovation..
there's a conceptual model for Amman..
there's soos engagement..
there's my portfolio..
there's ramadan..

there's time.

and now its public,lets see what i can do.

getting to the bottom of it..

2007-08-27T01:52:00.000+03:00

i did,i actually did...
the question is what do you do when you choke at the up-tightness of the conservatives , and the so-called liberals depress you?!
Middle grounds is no comfort zone...

oh n'
no matter how good and original it looks,its not such a good idea...putting a ticking clock in a neckless in my....well,neck.

2007-08-07T18:19:00.000+03:00

how much damage can one person cause?

plenty.

My word is good..

2007-07-28T15:21:00.001+03:00

im touched...

2007-07-23T00:55:00.001+03:00

Pick up what you can...

This week's..

2007-07-23T00:23:00.000+03:00

Natural evolution :
What would we look like - IF - we did not undergo this 'major' western influences in the past 100 years? Im talking beauty and aesthetics..How would an arabic female\male look like,and most importantly,how will they dress?

oh n'...on a side note :
Just now,I was in the living room...everyone had gone to sleep,its only my brother and I downstairs...the lights dimmed...suddenly,the door of my brothers bedroom opens up...his slippers are 'thrown out'....and it closes again!
:)
the guy cannot live with his slippers!

2007-07-13T14:44:00.000+03:00

Ever heard of......Dignity?

ahaa..

2007-06-22T01:52:00.000+03:00

its that,
..im never tolerant unless i can tolerate my own character.
meaning : if i could get past what i consider 'Given'....get past what i have already experienced and rejected...could think about it rationally,embrace another judgment of my own....and most importantly....give an honest objective opinion...

when that happens...then its certainly 2 a.m,
and tolerance is defined,
til further notice...

hug hug

2007-06-18T18:59:00.001+03:00

remembering...

2007-06-13T18:46:00.000+03:00

This day last year..

oh n'
I just hit 1oo

some of us laugh
some of us cry
some of us smoke
some of us lie..
but its aaalll...just the way..that we cope with our lives

my { lovely } playlist

2007-06-11T19:36:00.000+03:00

Travis-Closer

Radiohead-Creep

powered by ODEO

The killers-Mr. Brightside

Placebo-Infrared

powered by ODEO

Muse-Sing for absolution

powered by ODEO

Janis Joplin-Leaving on a jet plane

powered by ODEO

Radiohead-street spirit

powered by ODEO

you think?

2007-06-03T22:05:00.000+03:00

The things we fear the most.... ... .. .

. .. ... ....have already happened to us.

'not' dozz

oh n'
I think.

Names

2007-05-29T00:11:00.000+03:00

...
was talking to myself 2 minutes ago , so passionately...that i thought why not write it down here so i wont forget what was i thinking in this phase of my life-as i always do.....like now,i cant remember how was it like a year ago....
anyway...i was talking about names...they'r giving me hard times lately that i was trying to convince myself that names dont mean a thing...right?....i mean,whats in a name?...its just a couple of letters in a certain configuration....i did read once that emphasizing on peoples' names gets them high....but am i the kind of person who cares to boost people's self esteem...not really..i reached this point,where i cant tell the difference between the people i see daily,but never had any conversation with,and the ones that i chatted with once or twice....since i cant recall the names of both categories....oh well...if you happen to not know me and i suddenly gave you a big smile and started talking...now you know where i come from.
speaking of people....i never realized how hard it is surviving in this world without projects...turns out my projects...are my savior....if it wasn't for them,i'd be stuck in a vicious loop of people and food my whole life.....and THAT.........would be scary.

Bottom line is,the name-directory seems to be missing in my brains....im not sure if it can be retrieved.

oh n'
any idea on 'HOW' one does stop dreaming and building imaginary castles,and actually work?!

2007-05-17T17:20:00.000+03:00

Depth

surreal

2007-05-15T01:06:00.000+03:00

DAMN IT!

I can walk,
sleep,
rationalize,
eat,
get dressed,
communicate,
judge,
drive,
study,
clean,
cook,
read,
serve,
analyze,
write,
draw,
shower,
shop,
change diapers.......
I can do almost anything damn it!..all on my own..
but my whole world crashes down at the sight of one stupid harmless cockroach..
i'de go on,but my friend just called with more serious problems on her mind...

oh and,
just for the record,last week,i was 'this close' to sabotage my own work and submit an incomplete project,just because some cockroach decided to show up at my room at 3 in the morning....i wake people up damn it!...i wake them up!!

I

2007-05-07T20:49:00.000+03:00

.....am gonna blow it.

again.

Reporting

2007-04-30T01:44:00.000+03:00

real-ization

2007-04-29T01:27:00.000+03:00

Looks like...everything in this world revolves around the same thing...

consider this...i wake up,wake up is openning my eyes,which requires some sort of mechanism,mechanics is exactly why and how i woke up,and its also in the report i have to deliver next week,its in my design concept,in thermal and physical comfort...out of that need..

i turn on lights,lights brings me back to those windows,to chamfered ends...and to a song that says "the more you see the less you know,the less you find out as you go"...which applies in every aspect of my life,like the fact that she'll never find out she was out of line...does she have to stick to the line..?...but, intersecting lines are not all that bad..its just closed loops represent more control,both in air ducts...and in life...i need more control...most of all,control over what im saying......what AM I saying??!?

'sigh'

oh and on second thought...this sounds like dozzism in my case,and every single person's name with an -ism

The conference

2007-03-30T12:39:00.000+03:00

u know...

2007-03-16T23:43:00.000+02:00

so,

i've had it.
im not sad..on the contrary...i can say im happy,but
u know...
when the most delicious meal is just something to chew,
or when the most gorgeous work of art is just lame colors and figures,
or when the most professional of ADs looks like a cheap 2 minute clip
or when your favorite playlist doesnt include anything that you wont 'next'
or when you cant respond to a story,a joke..or even a threat
or when you start seeing everyone in 2D
or when you cannot recall what you were thinking 5 seconds ago

what could that be..?
i'll tell you.

the semester starts with a new hope of a good design professor,with a strong character 'u think!'...or you heard...and some other complimentary courses that didnt sound all that bad.
one week later,you find urself all over the place,trying to make a good case study,fine...you chose that class in particular to force yourself to work systematically...right?
it sounds like the main problem is my design studio here....right now it is....but it isnt,u know...?
aanyway..you realize its the hardest thing in the world to break your patterns and come up with a new vision for an 'OVERCHEWED' project in a couple of weeks,but you try,spending hours and days facing books and screens and nothing at all,and although it another site in jabal Amman...another sloped site that lies next to some old stairs...u eventually do,ignoring the fact that its your favorite spot in the whole area,its the exact stairs my friends and I built the fire on...the stairs at which we sat on a rainy day with the car's shade above our heads...the site is right next to those stairs....laid so perfectly...that i thought of building the whole thing underground so i wont mess it up.
which..gets me to the function we have...a community center....with a lot of multi-purpose and general purpose halls...meaning...you chose a theme.

bottom line people,
its the third project in jabal amman,
the third with a 'you choose' theme
the second with a slope
and the second with adjacent historical stairs

zzzhi2et!
the only thing thats changing is the context,and the people...getting worse...u know..?
the first project was of two parts....documentation of an old house...and then re-use.
the second was sort of an urban design project...for the land right across al-balad theatre,next to the stairs...what they basically wanted was soemthing to revive the old abandoned creepy stairs.
the third,now...is a community center at the land right across the street of wild jordan...

the keywords arent changing,u know...?

so im practically 'garfaaneh'..especially that im about to finish the second skecthbook...im sick of this tracing paper...my pencil and my scale...feels like they'r glued to me hand...im sick of this feeling of nausea that results of not sleeping at all...now i know better,i sleep a minimum of 2 hours...one minute im in love with mty project...i even refer to its elevation as 'its profile' sometiems 'profile is for humans if u dont get it'...other times...i wanna tear it all up and start over....
i mean...come oon...is this anywhere close to normal..?...or lets ignore normal,im not interested in normal..is this leading anywhere.....u know...?

was getting some food from mecca mall today....and now i know it...i am anti-social.
the way people walk...talk...laugh and behave....i see sheep..u know?
so now mecca mall is not to be approached on friday's....ever again!

getting back to the design studio...my two best friends are not with me...and the atmosphere there couldnt be any 'duller'..if there's such a word....i dont hate the people there...i dont even dislike them...but i cant bring myself to sit in their circles...even when it includes the professor.some of them proved they lack some basic common sense throuhg their designs....some have high opasity levels....some are anti-social...like 8]
so its just me and my music.
of course the professor is a huge disappointment..what i heard was that he's too good...he's strict....he gives extra readings and classes....he makes you produce even if you dont want to.
oh welll...
what i saw was two drama episodes each studio....unbelievably childish drama...that you migh actually consider getting up and putting an end to it..the only thing im admiring about this professor is that he doesnt interfer with the students' decisions....its your project and you'll be the judge...i like that....that also makes me dizzy....decisions make me dizzy....
the professorenjoys attention...he like to be needed....he likes to dramatize every single detail....he always has a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth..he bluffs a lot...oh and he's around 34...
but i lose all respect for him when he says something like 'today....3 o'clock.....your last chance'
being the person who cannot bring herself to watch a weekly drama on TV....im always laughing during those episodes...{while silence envelopes the room,and eyes are staring at their laps...u know..?}

so what im doing these days...is looking people in the eye a lot..i mean a whole lot!...i dont know what im hoping to achieve...but it feels like im in control with the whole world but myself...u know?

again,im not sad...my brother even thinks im a bit too happy these days....
i might just get meself a boyfriend..problem is....what do i do with that..?!

oh and,
people...
DO NOT leave meaningless comments just because you feel like it,or because i left one on your blog and you think you owe me one...deal?
{the 'oh and' part will be a regular from now on..}

I dont want to get old..

2007-03-11T02:05:00.000+02:00

I dont.

its scaring me..

not before i get rid of those unsettling dreams

regeneration..

2007-03-09T23:44:00.000+02:00

whats beyond me,

2007-03-04T06:49:00.000+02:00

I have the '5 in the morning idea' syndrome....

why does it always rain on me..is it because...

is it becasuse.

i think,i thought

2007-02-24T18:45:00.000+02:00

i think it was a community center...
i thought individuality...
im thinking the butterfly effect

i 'seriously' think i have no idea what im thinking.

Path'eticism

2007-02-21T23:21:00.000+02:00

...how far human race could get in their search for some sense of belonging...

Integral thought

Communism

Anti-communism

socialism

egoism

indivisualism

progressivism

capitalism

exsitentialism

anarchism

communitarianism

libertarianism

objectivism

minarchism

islamofascism

fascism

anti-fascism

rationalism

empiricism

instrumentalism

positivism

naturalism

phenomenalism

hegelianism......etc

im fed up.u got the point.

im thinking..

2007-02-13T00:22:00.000+02:00

well im practically thinking all the time...

but right now,im thinking this whole blogging thing is getting poitlesss..

oh and..

{ when modern man\woman will not improve,they should be brought back to primitiveness so they wont aggravate }
...just so i wont forget it..

Dozz

2007-02-06T00:16:00.000+02:00

i've reached a point...where,wearing both earings is just out of question.
and im actually staring at the screen right now,head tilted to the left,shoulders hunched,wondering what does that say about me?

Fact

2007-02-03T00:00:00.000+02:00

If you're looking...then you're definitely not listening.

......or is it just me

I waant more..impossible to ignore...

2007-01-29T22:12:00.000+02:00

..impossible to ignore...
God...im doing nothing...a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y nothing!
Get me out of this misery..

Tsam-tsoomian lands..

2007-01-29T15:57:00.000+02:00

Distorted beauty - Amman

2007-01-25T22:26:00.000+02:00

Dozz & R productions

2007-01-20T01:02:00.000+02:00

Who are you people? 

{ Dark } semester...officially over.

2007-01-19T01:31:00.000+02:00

and for several reasons..leaving me feeling like....

1:13 a.m.

2007-01-17T01:13:00.000+02:00

im wondering...why does it still read 21 on my profile..?

2007-01-14T23:53:00.000+02:00

...the flow....my cold nose....spontaneousity....force....restless....analytical......rough...
proud....false belief....the melody....a combination....powerful....obstacle......self-esteem.....purified.....
...heart-wrenching....the word 'develop'....guide......distructive....resistance......bulky
.....philosophy.....scattered capabilities.....
measures.....psychedelic......a wall...... .... ... .. . problem?

this was October the 25th....and its making me smile..i mean 'really' smile...for this term has been playing in my head for so long now...

'ignore the girls'
Lifehouse-Empty spaces
Iio - Is It Love
Bob marley-Smoke two joints
The Cranberries - Twenty One
Pink Floyd - House Of The Rising Sun
Yo La Tengo- Here comes my baby
Coldplay - Yellow
Jimmie Hendrix - voodoo child
Metallica apocaliptica - One
Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet
maroon 5-Accidentally in love
Norah Jones & Willie Nelson - Wurlitzer Prize
The Cranberries - Daffodil Lament
U2 - Beautiful Day
Yo La Tengo - My Little Corner of the World
Red Hot Chilie Peppers - I Could Die For You
The Corrs - Dreams
Pink floyd-The show must go on
Snow Patrol - If I just lay here
The Rolling stones-The girl with far away eyes
The fray-Im in over my head

.......now

its almost over--finals dont count...
im almost 22 --lame...
and im.... ... ..im
'The corrs'

The tsiim-tsiim experience...

2007-01-11T01:09:00.000+02:00

.....is over.

2006-12-24T01:58:00.000+02:00

I always have reasons...never excuses

The over-dozz

2006-12-20T23:34:00.000+02:00

no...its not me

2006-12-18T00:22:00.000+02:00

December 18

all asleep..though all is not much these days...

its not that quiet....there's silence...and peace...

it was a strange day....i still feel awkward....so i thought...the only way to put an end to all this uneasiness im feeling is to write...i might not make sense...or entertain anyone....im just not ready to do my homework yet...(like i'll ever be)...

this semester feels like its been going on for years...feels like i've comsumed it all....the same lectures.....and settings....the same breaks....the same hang out-s....the same talk....and the same food....the same clothes....the same exaustion...dizziness....amnesia....the same reflection...looking back at me over and over again....the same nodes....a constant distributed load.....

changing seasons....

but is that enough reason to drag urself out of bed in the morning?

or

...should u..as a result...be willing to start dancing at uni....(had my parents in mind so i couldnt do it)....

woke up 2day...on a phone call...stomach was not welll....had an urge to have my coffee [black]....
...have no idea what made me wear some make-up....and for the first time in my entire life...black pants...with a black jacket....where did these come from aslan??!

went out....got in the car...to find 2 songs i like on the radio....which...was soothing...especially that i had no interest what-so-ever to go to uni or do the work im supposed to do...i just showed up.....to find 4 freaks trying to do their job.....holding meetings down here and up there....to come up with the conclusion that they should give us our sketch designs and 20 minutes to sum up what we're gonna do...8)......they just ammuse me sometimes

they decided to 'reveal' our marks for the latest analysis....and that was an insult...the sketch design...was pretty humiliating for us....the lack of common-sense....is just....im 'speechless'...friends got...1.Mad....2.pissed off......me?.....i guess i evaluate myself....and thats more than enough for me.....
over-confident...maybe....but i cant afford otherwise...
had some strange peace all the while.

sat outside...talking...listening to music..like there was nothing going on down there.....trying to figure out a way to get ourselves back on track for those upcoming nodes......problem is...no threat moves me anynmore....

decided to go out....got in the car...and drove...with no destination in mind....somehow...we ended up ta the bake house....eating....and sipping tea sooo slowly.....i was tempted to just sit there for a week or so....staring at the ceiling....i felt contained.

we had an extra hour to the next lec.....spent it on some stairs....talking...feeling cold....building a fire.....taking hilarious pictures.....til sunset...time had stopped sometime that morning...

i just realized i am me.....im stuck in me forever...not that i hate it...but it feels weird to know u cant be...zudu..for example!

im feeling way too numb for a girl my age.

i have goals.but

i just want to lie down n stare at the ceiling for weeks...

what am i doing?
better go drink some milk

signs..

2006-12-16T01:12:00.000+02:00

...so im talking to a friend...and i ask her about a girl (that i hardly remember) that we knew back at school...she receives a message that exact moment telling her that the girl got engaged and is to be married on...whatever!

...im ordering a meal...i ask the guy if they still have a certain salad we used to order loong ago...says no.....later that day....my sister { who happens to be in canada } tells me she decided to prepare it today!

...im checking this blog...im writing a reply to 'fadi k'...thinking of the best word to describe the way i've been living the last month....'Rolling'....i go to his blog....n there it is..the same word...

8|

all that in one day

i believe in signs

...what on earth does that mean??!!

i forget...i forget

2006-12-13T23:36:00.000+02:00

Dreams-listen

With a blank expression...and a closed mouth... not exactly like this one.....but he's cute

getting emotional these days...

2006-11-29T23:19:00.000+02:00

...and thats just four days of intensive work....

2006-10-27T01:17:00.000+02:00

Consumed..

though i 'still' havent done a thing...

The architectural version

2006-10-22T01:35:00.000+03:00

2006-10-21T23:42:00.000+03:00

is this worth plucking my hair..?
# why am I not this lady sitting in our living crying "ma a7la 2mashit-ha ya laila!"....with pieces of cloth on my mind...and a trip to lebanon the day after?

# why am I not my cousin....traveling around the world after graduating with a degree she knows nothing about....having no concerns what-so-ever about the career that has to be built?

# why am I not some singer all drenched in me...my upcoming new look...my new single...'i would elaborate more,but,unfortunately,i have no idea what would a singer have in mind!'

# why am I not my sister....any of them!...worrying about my kids' clothes for eid...my haircut and hair color...and having to go to work on this bloody sunday!..or.... wandering around some foreign city with my husband....then coming home to cook and study together for some course?

# why am I not reno 'not that i wish to be reno'...having a few basic tasks everyday to finish...the most challenging of them....chosing the most convenient place for every single component of the fridge...;)

# and hey!...why am I not him!?!...perfectly comfortable with using the site for "the brilliant cafe idea" i had in mind since..... ..... ...or adding my artistic touch by a gallery thats no-one will ever st foot in...?

# why am I not simsim....sleeping like a baby?

# why am I not some girl chasing after a BA degree....,i'de be shopping right now....or watching a "set" of series....'actually,i was shopping this morning!'

......so many question nagging on me right now....i am making architecture out of myself...but why am i thinking about stairs...acoustics...lighting....orientation....cinema technology and form....trying to tie them up with concept and heritage AND the site (oh!n my own charachter).....when i'll probably change my mind on the whole function?!!....all for this bloody sunday.....why do i always wound up with the least intimidating instructors ever?!....but the most important question remains....

WHY THE HELL DIDNT I LIFT A FINGER LAST WEEK ?!

u think...

2006-10-20T00:18:00.001+03:00

..and you think we got windows...?!

2006-10-14T00:18:00.000+03:00

Define : Amman

...ur rolling too,with some new lover

2006-09-29T01:50:00.000+03:00

Shoot the moon -u gotta listen

I look at her...and i want to drop everything to spend as much as i could with her.
Im working...and im planning to teach myself each and every graphics software that exsists.
im shopping...matching clothes 'suddenly!' dont seem all that bad... and im determined my days of going out with what everybody(except me) would define as pajamas..are OVER!
Im downtown...and i wanna sit on some stairs and never get up.
I remember God.....and nothing seems worht it anymore.
I see a sketch...and the right thing is to isolate myself someplace til i get over whatever that is thats keeping me from holding a pencil or taking out the water color set.
I hear the word 'Architecture'....and life is architecture.
I see a palestinian child...and im about to throw myself there to fight.
I feel music...and im a loooser for not playing in some band.
i read a book...and my home's set looks absurd...i should be traveling around the world.

the list goes on and on...

...do i really have to chose?

when..

2006-09-15T21:47:00.000+03:00

a restricted horizon ..
What happens .. ?

2006-09-12T23:09:00.000+03:00

G-o-o-s-e-b-u-m-p-s

when u can hear pain...so clearly

Why sleep?

2006-09-10T03:27:00.000+03:00

i want to swallow the world.....or.....will the world swallow me?

and now i realize...

2006-09-06T20:08:00.000+03:00

shame on me...

when i mention soo bluntly that im not doing this for people,i write a post that is directly dedicated to people...VERY tipical fof me....i say i wanna do something...and there goes every obstacle in the world to stop me from going through with it...i mention i'll never do something...and somehow end up doing it...thats why i have to keep my mouth shut!...i SHOULD have!...thats where the "speechless" came from aslaan!
(still hostile..)
anyway...looks like most people dont know what happened to the towers of Jordan gate a couple of weeks ago....which is weird,u can usually find whatever happens in Amman in blogs...but this was....obscured....?
well..not anymore...
so...i dont know which friday was that...mum woke me up around 6:45 a.m. telling me one of the towers is on fire...i immediatly got up...grabbed the camera...and went upstairs to get good shots...she said it had been going on since 6:00 a.m....maybe before...she heard people screaming...huge masses falling....thank God...no one was hurt...since it happened and ended before workers got there....at 7....which is also beyoond weird...friady morning...6:00 a.m....??!
there were theories about it....
my brother then went out there...n took more pictures of it...but.........his were soo much different than mine!!
There goes my brothers shots....:

i really dont know whats burning...maybe part of 'el-toobar'...though im almost sure it wasnt of wood....

after the fire was put down,it looked just the same,with some black stains.
Hopefully,there were no serious damages....they are supposed to use fire-resistant materials for huge projects like that............right?!

aand....B)
"one of" my stupid sleepy shots....i went up there...n took pictures for the wrong tower-thinking it was over and im shooting the damages-...thats when i realized i never really woke up...n went back to sleep...'sigh'

Here...

2006-09-04T23:50:00.000+03:00

i dont like letting people down for no reason..though i really cant figure out why...i mean,i can answer this whole tag with....WHO CARES?
bs yalla....Abed...merci for the gesture...and fee3!

1)Do you like the look and the contents of your blog ?

content ..hmmm...
since i did create each and every post in here...im gonna have to go for...YES!
As for looks,i "surprisingly" dont care...u'd think a designer would want to make everything around her look unique....this is just....not on my top priorities.

2)Does your family know about your blog ?

some do...some dont...

3)Can you tell your friends about your blog ? Do you consider it a private thing ?

the friends who somehow developed an "accidental" or "compulsory" interest in computers...do know...

4)Did your blog positively affect your mind? Give an example.

yeah i guess....it made me dig.

5)Do you just read the blogs of those who comment on your blog ? or you try to discover new blogs ?

mmm...
VERY few bloggers have earned my respect and were able to maintain it.
those are the one's i read for...:)

6) What does the number of visitors to your blog mean ? Do you use a traffic counter ?

nothing,i repeat,im not doing this for people,im not trying to tell anyone what they want to hear,i actually try to aviod talking about things that would make people blabber a lot,and im not 'in any form' trying to entertain anyone
no offence people...B)..but im doing this for strictly selfish reasons.

7)Did you imagine how other bloggers look like ?

sure..not in detail...

8)Do you think that blogging have any real benefit ?

it has to...!

9)Do you think that the blogsphere is a stand alone community, separated from the real world ?

ooh no!...
The jordanian blogsphere is just exactly....Ammaaaan...
'sigh'

10)Do you think that criticizing your blog is useful ?

i dont think there's anything to criticize...
u can disagree with me....
shoo criticize a blog...who r u aslan to do that?!

11)Do some political blogs scare you ? Do you avoid them ? Does arresting some bloggers in the Arab world surprise you?

politics is the filthiest thing ever....
dont beleive in it...
not ready to discuss it.
hate it...
and nothing suprises me around it anymore.

12)Have you ever thought about what might happen to your blog in case you died ?

im gonna have to be thinking about my blog in the first place....

13)Which blogger had the greatest impression on you ?

Wael Attili.
Abu shreek.

14)Which blogger you think is the most similar to you?

oh please!
there's no one-even close-to similar to me in real life...

15)Name a song you want to listen to.

Nothing?..(which provides im gonna have to be on vacation somewhere as far as transportation altogether could get me from here...:)..)
but on second thoughts...im gonna try to sleep on these :
The dire straits-Romeo and juliet
The corrs-Dreams
Norah Jones-The wurlitzer prize

16)Ask five bloggers to answer these questions on their blogs.

cant pretend...
im just not interested....B)

i admit....im a bit hostile tonight...

2006-08-31T23:06:00.000+03:00

[ untitled ]

scene {1}
Girls' bedroom...in a very simple moderate happy home...the contents of the room are worth more than the house all together (exaggerated)...three sisters...and the mother....one's trying to figure out what to wear to her date....and she's nagging that her sisters help her out...she has a serious frown on her face...hoping this would pressure her elder sister to let her wear some of her expensive clothes...that are far beyond her age....the mother pops in every 10 minutes...once telling the girls that she told their father they're going to their afterschool class(so they'd be able to go out).....and once again taking the fathers mobile to make sure she answers whoever calls...for her precious son....sent a message to his girlfriend and tried calling her from that number...which leaded to several people answering the phone..except the girlfriend!....the last time she gets into the room...she stands by her couragous daughter who's trying to get dressed....its a tough call...with a similar frown...urges both sisters to help....she stands there...pressing her hands together...and looking at her daughter(worried)....til the daughter get fed up and walks out of the room..(probably to cry her heart out at some other room)....then she starts coming in n' out...acting like a messanger between the two sisters...to get the holy message of the elder sister to the other...on what she should and should 'NOT' wear.

scene {2}
Large house.....with a couple of inhabitants running around....its noon..the daughter is applying some basic make-up (concealer,kohl)....the mother passes by....quietly...she passes again...and again....then looks at her daughter and says : make-up was not made to be applied when going to uni.

scene {3}
A house of mourning......its the end of the third day...and people are sitting there chatting...mostly relatives....they'r 'almost' over it...there's this friends wife thats been there for soo long...they'r actually waiting for her to leave so they can order some dinner and end this peacefully...her little girl....a 3 year-old girl (maximum)...gets all comfy and starts playing around with the other kids....her way of playing a round...shouting aggressivly with eyes wide open (in a scray pause) at everyone "mish ra7 a7ottillik mikyaaaaj"..."i wont apply any make up for you"!

scene {4}
its party time...and the whole family is getting ready....whether its a wedding or an engagement party...its all the same....the mother soo concerned about how her daughters will look for she wants "at least" one of them married...SOON!....one daughter...has it all figured out...calmly puts on decent gown...some make-up...and she's ready....the mother quietly thinks...she's fat...
the other...is worried about the final football game between italy and france....she puts on a very sexy dress....which her mother tried to reduce by "patching"
it at particular spots....they all go....and the dress ends up smoking 'argileh" at a friends rooftop while watching the game til 1 A.m....

scene {5}
A very beautiful young lady...naturally....has been dating this goegeous guy for seven years....gorgeous here doesnt have to be handsome...he's smart...ambitious...polite...and rich(vvery rich!)....they finally get engaged and its all official....she has artificial eyelashes...2 hair extensions...enourmous amounts of creams and make-up...her hair (which once was lovely) is now burnt out from dying it excessivly.....tatooying her eyebrows is into consideration...she's 160 cm tall....and weighs around 48 kgs....the fiance...warns her that if she gained weight...there's gonna be competition....and he wants her to lose some....and SHE...is happy to obbey....

'sigh'

does it seem...

2006-08-26T02:02:00.000+03:00

...broken

...lifeless

...worn out

...sparkling

...dizzying

...surreal

...melancholic

when its just..The maid's combination!

so..whether this is it...or what i want of it...ana garfaaan.

2006-08-26T01:45:00.000+03:00

Time and Place
always..beats the hell out of human beings

2006-08-21T00:58:00.000+03:00

How do you tell someone they've been doing it all wrong for the past x-years?
or you just DON'T...

open circui(t ,s)

2006-08-12T09:36:00.000+03:00

Cause and effect : The homework

2006-08-05T20:41:00.000+03:00

I have this homework.
so...im doing.......anything but the homework.
then i'll stay up late finishing it...:\
thats just the way things go around here...'sigh'

oh.

one more thing...dont u just love tracing paper...aand big erasers?!

so...for starters...im really wondering why none of those who read my last post had anything to say????....YES....YOU!
i mean really...why is it when i start talking about this particular topic..people turn speechless?
im the speechless here,remember?
i cant promise that ur opinion will be valued or appreciated...at least let me know where ur coming from....where this whole town is coming from?

el-muhem,
I thought i did reach a conclusion concerning my beliefs...the "tawjihi" year was more than enough for me to lets say...meditate?....i actually spent the last couple of months of tawjihi(when ur supposed to wrap up what u did all year) thinking and dreaming...i cant even remember what was it all about...but i did manage to waste all that time....that i used to go to my tests shaking(n im sooo not the kind of person who's ever afraid of tests,its either u know it or u dont!)...coz i knew i was relying on my previous studies...looong ago...
this is what i came up with :

I only acknowledge religion as a source of right and wrong..of course..at this age...i cant get myself to suddenly implement everything my religion says,so i'll do what i can,and work on the rest....meanwhile...everything else that doesnt have clear standards by religion,I and only I will decide what is appropriate....society doesnt fall anywhere near this equation..having excluded 'the parental effect'...which is....pretty strong in my case.

but recently,i've been reading a lot of stuff written by athiests...who sound too desprate,speaking of God in the most inappropriate way. Jews,so drenched in their beliefs,and their promised land yada yada.Some are attacking religion soo very aggressivly,which makes you wonder...why are those people soo anti-religion?

got me thinking.what if im not on the right track,for every single one of those is completely convinced they are...what if im blindly following something i enherited...what if im just complicating my life and making it harder with some myth??...how would life be if i were an athiest...anti-religion...or a jew?

even Harder

lets start with the athiest,i dont think i can go on living in this world not believing there's some superior power that knows the answer for everything,takes care of everything...some power i can turn to when things go wrong..when i feel helpless and small...(which every human is)....part of me believes in the humanists' argument....the superiority of human race...but this superiority has a limit...which is something u learn by experience....maashi,u can be totally dependant,fullfill all ur needs..say..90%-95% of the time......but eventually...there will come a moment...when u stand soo helpless to whats going on inside u and around u.

then what?

nature?...nature miiin??....magic and all that stuff...thats just scary and incontrollable...
another human being?...hell no!....u can do whatever any human can do...there's no reason why u should turn to something either equal or less than u...right?
the UN...?!??!!!!

thats one thing.
and of course....there's my dear corrupted self...wouldnt acknowledge ANYTHING...and i mean anything if not religion,and of a superior power......so being an athiest basically demolishes every single rule i go by in my whole life....
i would literally let myself loose if it wasnt for religion.
i mean really loose..imagine...a human soul let loooooose.....
nothing...and not even me would have the right to tell me what to do....for nothing is any better than i am.
and thats freedom right?

llla2!

Freedom "again!" has limits....i cannot see the beauty or effeciency of unlimited freedom...imagine my room...when i stop putting anything where it belongs....it becomes really hard to find one decent piece to wear in the morning...or find my tape and triangle to do that miserable homework!
imagine lasagna!...if not put in a suitable pyrex...u cant even cook it...let alone eat it...
i must have some more meaningful examples to prove my point...i just need to dig into my head...n i dont feel like it..B/

so..i conclude im on the right track...that was hours ago...now im just tired of typing!!
if religion did not rule my life...nothing will...anything and everything will be possible...and thats way more than any human can take...its a wide wide world(probably thats why people lose it and commit suicide)..and for my life not to be ruled by anything....it will 'eventually' become unbearable.unlivable.

im sticking to religion...for so far..my religion did prove its a way of life...it proved it works....its superior and it makes perfect sense.

and now,i have officially exposed my naivety.
weelll...whatever...thats just who i am.
i am 'also' going to do the homework.
efff!
here i come.

I hate you..but i love you

2006-07-29T22:32:00.000+03:00

Its a relief that im not saying these words coz im stuck in an impossible relationship where i cant think straight...i'de like to believe im more sensible than that....actually...im beginning to think it would be impossible to get into any relationship that satisfies me....and no...im not arogant...a friend n i realized recently that in order to get married(which is the only form of official relationships i acknowledge)...u need to really love that person....no...i'll rephrase it...u need to cherich that person more than urself to be able to take all the shit that comes with the whole thing...later on.....but!...i also believe if i ever get there...i'll be an exception...

.....got carried away...ehem...

im talking about my dear Amman.
not so dear....ya3ni to be honest....everyone knows i wont stay here one more second if it was up to me....i'll just fly off to my imaginary trip...i might as well stop calling it imaginary...if im going to do it some day...and I WILL!!
it just makes me really sad to see how unbearable life has become in amman...my home...whether i like it or not...its home...its the only place where i'll be familiar with everything and everyone...the only place i feel im on solid ground...now a small errand through the streets...gets me back with a big frown...im not a frowny person....im always smiling and singing while i drive....bs my face muscles actually hurt!...well..its not just that...i've been struggeling with "statics" since yesterday...yes!...statics is a struggle when the last time u had to deal with numbers and physics was....tawjihi maybe?!even during the time i spend as an industrial eng. student...i was just not interested.....drifting from the main topic..again!

its just getting boring..even for me..to keep talking about the same thing over n over again
...but what can i do really...i need some re-assurement...a solution maybe....no...what i actually need is someone to relate...other than my sisters...and one friend....they got their share...7aram...
today was a nother birthday...of a dear friend this time...i really like the girl...so i God knows how i wanted to go n share....bs i couldnt decide which would be more rude...not to go...or just drop by for a couple of minutes.....coz me going to "inhouse" and staying there was not an option!...my body gets enough goosebumps from this fast in n out process...so how about a loong stay....is this smart interior design im looking at here?.....a dimmed place....rather dark...with undefined couches......does anyone have this set at their living room?....anyone feel comfortable in a place like that....add to that....immature boys and girls sitting inappropriately....smoking....and yes...staring at eachother....no one can beat us at that!

'sigh'

i've been told im complicated.....that i can either create a world out of a drop....or simplify things to an extent where they become absurdly abstract....bs i dont believe thats the problem here....why is it that everyone i know....varying characters...backgrounds...concepts...everyone! has the same perception for fun?!....ha?....and its one i can NEVER relate to.....and why do people stare at me like im an alien when i walk....anywhere!?.....why are people skipping their childhood like its some unneccessaryt phase?....why does everyone have a piece of thick tracing paper right in front of their face?!....why cant people tell the difference between 'stylish' and 'trashy'...?!.....why is everyone ok with this society except for meee?!!!...
yeah!..its bothering me.....u know whn too many people tell u u got blonde hair...u might start to believe so....especially when believing u got brown hair is just giving u hard times!....aaah....

why is it when u start writing u no longer remember what u wanted to say...B|....

points would help me arrange my thoughts....
hmmm...

My friends sound,look,act different outside uni....i dont like that....how come?
I cant stand driving through ammans streets that are insanly full of people AND cars....its worthless,un-classy,(what can i possibly say...?!)...men in cars they cant spell their names all over....irrational...im afraid whats happening around is screwing up our society....or as mu cous says...isreal is determined to unite all arabs in Jordan..;p
I have this amazing resistance to study...draw....im starting to believe its beyond me!
Im worried abt my niece n nephew growing up in this world...i really am...its too materialistic....
i wanna cry whn i remember all those sounds i heard yesterday were for people soo happy and mad they finished.....school..?!...just take a look at our educational system...
i wanna cry even harder watching both of my cousins soo not interested in chosing their majors..... : whatever!
i cant describe the feeling i get watching him do that to himself.
i cant understand "el nas el nikdeen"....never...

poooof!...im tired....i dont feel like talking anymore...im gonna go walk...n think....

note that i have a homework for tomorrow...and a quiz i gotta get a full mark at he day after...bs im gonna go walk....in circles...think....see where that will get me....

L'art des pied

2006-07-28T23:57:00.000+03:00

yes!..there IS such a thing....(at the purple shelll)
I just realized i can express the past 5-6 months by...welll...hmmm...feeet?!
naturally...there's more..

testing my symmetry....

last week at uni....group feet-hug?
Statics....at equilibrium..

cousin at my sister's shower party

yaya at shower party...in her shoes that are just like dozz's....what else could a child ask for??!

cousin's daughter at shower party..hers..on the other hand..resemble the agony of mankind...

me...drenched in...

"bare" feet at wadi rum...

uncle...m3'rrez at rum...:p

i found some hands...but not as good...

The faculty of business administration at the JU...this summons it up!...visiting my best friend there...

me getting weird one night....everyone had slept...n i was working right after sister left...

Somebody was packing...but...natharan ila 5at el baas illi nfata7 la canada recently...i cant be sure miin!

My friend's shoes......which i WILL get...eventually...

loong ago...at my friends car...waiting for my cocktail from lubnani snack...:)

the day after i got home from canada....u can tell im still dizzy....of what happened...and what was yet to happen...

well...this explains my technicolor feet...the sun's only shining on mine.

naan was still there.....during wedding preparations....

i was as pale as my feet....last semester....

ka'kootiii's.....they look better without the sandals...u should listen to my friend describe the non-existing curves....

imagine..

2006-07-21T21:38:00.000+03:00

Isreal disappears...

End of story.

I want out.

2006-07-21T16:12:00.000+03:00

i still think politics = nonsense...
but i have no idea what to do...
i feel so helpless...so useless.

teeth clenched...
whole body shaking...
head about to explode....

i cant comprehend.
how did human race become soo low..
this is just not human.
this cant be happening...cant be real..

our death rates are more than those for animals

wanted : parallel world

2006-07-16T22:25:00.000+03:00

more options?

falling puppets

2006-07-06T01:04:00.000+03:00

more n more people falling down on my people's rank system...
sad how everyone falls at some point.

taday's fall was steep...two dear friends....went way down there...that i cant see them anymore...

i am pissed n frustrated coz i feel humiliated...but 'ironically'....im more sad for the impression they left in me...

2006-07-04T21:02:00.000+03:00

MIS-conception..thats me!

naive..........Blunt.............intolerent

O ptimistic................. distant

colors..B)

2006-07-03T00:50:00.000+03:00

What the...????!!!
la 7awla wala quwata illa billah...
i really dont wanna say something i'll regret...fa lets get straight to the point...

Me...dozz...was living in my little cute purple shell...comfortable...isolated....drenched in my purple dreams...not wanting to hear anything about the outside world..i was....floating....mirtaa7aa...!

im wont get to the part where my sis n best friend just disappeared with a huge mess prior to that....traveling...finals...the wedding...all done....and naan's gone!...fine....i believe i was dealing with it pretty 'maturly'....cried n still crying at certain moments...but i just dont have a problem with my sis marrying a great guy!

so....me...dozz...thought she should find something to distract herself before life becomes soo unbearable(after all...evenings were always spent with naan since she cant go out at night!) n was recommended for a job exactly one day after the wedding....Perfect!...i thought.....went there...met the guy...n it turns out the guy im supposed to work for is a very good friend of both of my sisters!...even better...so dozz starts working..designing websites...n when dozz starts designing something for the first time.....its stomach ache...headaches...teeth clenched....u know....
i soooo didnt want to screw up this time...i knew i could do it...n i worked n worked....that my mum n brother started warning me that spending too many hours facing the computer is just insane.....n THAT was ironic...me couldnt spend more than 10 min. facing that machine before...i guess i just had to overcome that!

Summer course starts....n after the usual struggle...9 credit hours were set...just the way i wanted...

then...my brother's wife gave birth...to this adorable little creature im dying to see...n my mum has to go help them out since she's their first child....they'r on their own...abroad.

and...THATS when the actions starts...
i got summer course...a job (thank God the guy is not being pushy abt it)....n this whole household to manage!....AAND...no naaan!
summer course starts at 8....8 a.m. lecture is just something i CAAAANT DOOO!...bt again....i'd rather do it now than next semester....so ma3lesh....then comes this extremely boring class...statics...that revolves around 2-3 laws....with a professor who's actuallt shy to speak out...so u dont really get a word from what he's saying....bardo i'll servive that....THEN....its building construction....the past sememser...a professor was determined to make a min. of 40 student drop the course,flunk,or just get out of his way....im serious here...my case...'in7aramet'....n im sure i didnt excced my limit....n so are 18 of my collegues.....but that's just the JU....i got a bunch of 'A' students taking the course again with me....so...whatever!

This time..its not the same "naughty" professor...its another old cute one....that u cant help but respect....he's firm...straight...n he really wants to teach us something...which i find sooo refreshing...n cant argue with...ya3ni...in short....this class 'mish maz7ah' this time.

im usually done at 12-1....driving through ammans streets is becoming more n more of a challnege!....u get home roasted....in my case...to find the little ones...yaya n ka'kooti waiting there eagrly for dozz to arrive....the world lightens up for a couple of minutes...then i find myself following them around....n i just CANT take it...not after sleeping for a mx of 5 hours...n spending the whole morning with people boring u to sleep again....n driving home in a black car!

now...a new aspect....THE HOUSE.
now that the queen's gone...im just taking her place...i never knew men were sooo childish...i got my brother n my father with me...n thats the hardest part of it all!!!
father's not supposed to eat salted food...so somebody's gonna have to cook....options are...my aunts (fathers' sisters)....n in that case the only one who can eat would be daddy....Or...urs truly.
urs truly spent a couple of days before the queen leaves arguying that she wont be responsible for anyhting when mum leaves....but when the time came...just take a look at what happenend :
gotta wake up earyly to get daddy's milk ready..."including weekends"...or else...i'll wake up to find my aunt n her daughter (whom im not very fond of) staring at the bedroom door...fine...i dont care much about sleep anyway....then i gotta find someway to cook it all...so we'd actually eat!....of course my brother states proudy here thats he cant eats my aunts food...n that he doesnt like her being around all the time....but the most he can do is....tell me to grow up...n go out!...'sigh'...boys...no wait...he's a grown man!....
aunt is always here in the morning coz dad doesnt want the house to be empty for like 3-4 hours!....we just care too much about the house's feelings that we cant leave him alone with reno....who's really not reliable...bs ya3niiii...i can assure u...they can both servive it....

so getting rid of aunt is just up to me...since it doesnt really make any difference with dad...n bro 's "mish ma3zooom"!
which...by the way...makes me feel bad each time i do it.

then there's groccery shopping...n thats just nerve-comsuming if ur a young lady...coz those people stare at u like...........AAAAAH!

now...today's special....the wedding.
there was this wedding today for a far relative...we had to go for we got a close relationship with this particular family...so "we" skipping on this one was just not an option (or oftion 3a ra2i 'R')...
brother didnt wanna have anything to do with it...so he left me to go with daddy....where do i start on this one???!!!...the last time i went out alone with dad...or the last time i went to a family's wedding???!!!!.....i HATE HATE HATE these things....i just cant relate...n i spend the whole 3-4 hours trying to put a smile on my face coz there's no reason not to!!!...3eib ya3ni!
one aunt actually calls during the day to tell dad that they'r gonna pick me up at that time n bla bla bla....soo i get soooo furious coz
1.she should speak to me!
2.mayb i dont wanna go with u!
3.i got toms to do...n looks like im stuck with this wedding...

i know i know i know....im being mean...overreacting...aunts are all just trying to be nice n help us out...i understand...but we're three perfectly normal adults in this house...we CAN manage on our own!...n we dont want no interference from people who dont know their limits.at least i dont.

"sigh"
i go take a bath...n surrender to the fact that im going to this wedding...none of the cousins i relate to there...n i actually have to socialize n represent the familyfor the very first time....mum...to be specific...maaashi....i go...find the first thing to wear...n just run downstairs to end this thing as soon as possible...for i have to come back cook...n im still wroking on this website that i should've delivered 2 days ago....i switch on the light of the staircase...n there it goes!!!...A HUGE coccoroache....exactly the one that can....shake my whole world!!....i dont lose it...i call reno...she takes care of it...dad tells her to (spray..:p) them...n we're out.

now just so i get this out while im still on it....whn we came back...turns out spraying them wasnt exactly the best idea for as soon as i got off the car...there was one wondering at the garage...switched on the lights again...n a bunch dead at the stairs....when we reached upstairs...brother tells us that when reno sprayed the area...he could actually HEAR them moving.....from upstairs....;'O...how maaany are theeey???!!!...how on earth will i sleep 2day???!!

la 7awla wala quwata illa billah...

the wedding was a mess....n too many people were part of this mess....im too sleepy to speak in detail....bs there's got to be another way to ger married around here....people just went insane....in a vvvery cheap manor....place was crowded...though it was held at a pristiguous hall....the music was just....polluting....im positive it did cause hearing damages.....couldnt even eat the food...im not sure if its me n my stomache that has been upset for the last couple of days...willa it was just not food!...bs heck!..they were happy!....sometimes...u just get amazed by the things that can make a person content...n perfectly satisfied....really weird.

i found out recently im a night person...bt right now...i could just die...im soooo damn tired.
n tomorrow doesnt hold much to look forward to...pretty much the same...varrying details.

i always thoguth i love this life where u keep urself busy that u forget to eat...but that is just too much all together....i miss the days i used to walk around tables in circles n think....which was around 'all the time' previously....oooh....the peace...

God is trying to make me try everything i never experienced in 2 weeks....
I miss my shelll....